i got this from paula's xanga...and it describes exactly how i feel:

Certain things have been bugging me lately and I want to end the year on a high note. I'm really bad at confrontation though, and a part of me is telling me to do it and get it over with, while another part is telling me not to and just forget about it. I have to step back and see if it's really worth it.. because I'm not even sure if it is... but Jennifer's right.. I'm a hypocrite and this is probably for my own good. I'm just being stubborn.. -__-

i dunno if she's talking about the same thing i am, but my sis and jenn are telling me to go for it...but im not. confrontation is hard. and my sis is saying if i can get an interview with Leslie Griffith and shadow Wayne Freedman i should be able to do this....but i dunno, for some reason this is different. it's harder. and jenn is saying that i dont want to end summer with regrets because by then it's too late. and i HATE regrets. like i really really really hate regrets. which is why i always tell people to go for things. to not think about it and just do it. and here i am being a hypocrite (just like paula)....i tell my sis she's an idiot and to just go for it....but loser me.....i dont.....sigh....i dunno. i should just suck it up and ask. but it's hard. and i dunno if i can do it.....yes paula, im just being stubborn (i refuse to do that face...it bugs me)