last night....i had a looooooooong talk with laura about some things. thanks for helping me out. =D. and after a couple of hours of talking about some stuff, i think im going to talk to him. i mean, laura, ur right...."what ifs" hanging over your head sucks. and regrets suck also. plus i was thinking, what's the worse that could happen.....nothing. and nothing's happening now neways. so i can either move forward or stay where i am. amina, if ur reading this be happy......im doing what u've been yelling at me to do.

and at laura's insisting....i'll do it face to face. agh! i still cannot understand where u got the strenght and courage to do in person. im sooo jealous of you...hahahahaha. anyways. that's all that's been on mind for the last twelve hours...thinking about what to say, when to say it, how to say it. and imagining what would happen afterwards. but i know this, if i dont talk about it, i'll regret it. and then it'll be too late. u know, this is all ur doing laura. u talked me into this.....so if i come out of it all upset and sad im going to you. hahaa. be prepared.

on a much more non-melodramatic or maudlin note....i got more charms for my bracelet!!! yay! i went to the ohlone college flea market...and got charms galore..hahahahaaha...now i have a crystal stone, drama, tennis, cross, and a black husky paw (husky pride!). yep yep. im addicted to those now. im just waiting to get STEPH...and it'll be complete...and i'll be so happy. haha. have to find pleasure in the little things in life, especially when something ur scared of is looming large....ah....can't stop thinking about it. laura infected me....

well last night i also had dinner with my grandma. i was really reluctant to go at first cuz it was only my mom, dad, me, and grandma. so i thought i'd be bored and all. and it wasn't the most interestng dinner. but i wouldnt' care if i went again. cuz i dunno.....my grandma seemed so happy that we came for dinner..more like I came for dinner and all. so it was worth it. i mean she's already 80...if she passes away soon i dont want the last thought i have to be is "i didn't want to spend time with her". and it's really not that bad. she really pampers me and my sis...haha. says she's really proud of us and all that we accomplished and stuff. and she wants me and my sis to go out to lunch with her. but my stupid prat of a sister almost died when i told her. said she wouldn't go.....too busy. no time.....blah blah blah. u'd think since she's older she'd understand that it'd be good to spend time with our grandma who totally loves us and is so proud of her going to med school and what not. oh well. stupid prat.

hahahaa.....i've benn reading a lot of harry potter.....so if ur wondering why im saying stuff like prat and git and what not.....now u know. i luv the way the british talk. in the book when someone's making fun of someone elses mom he goes "dont you have a go at my mother". lol. it's so funny. and when they're arguing it's "they had a row". and of course there's "mate"......hahahahaa...dang, i have this obsession with england. not sure if it's healthy. hahaha. wish i was british. i think id make a wonderful cho chang. it's time for me to move on from school plays and community theatre....i need to branch out to harry potter. hahahaha...yes well. that'd be tight though if iw as in that movie. as u can see, i have a lot of time to think about this stuff. now u know where my SAT time goes. instead of doing that i think about being cho chang. hahaha. well im off to do more thinking....haha, j/k. that's not good for me. haha. bye