this one person makes me so mad. JUST cuz he didn't get what he wanted he's not talking to me....like AT ALL. we used to be friends but for the past month he's been a total PRICK. we weren't really GOOD friends but we were still friends. in the beginning i gave him his space and tried to understand. he had some right to be kinda miffed. but he's being a total retard now. whenever i say hi he just mumbles hi back or nods at me. or other times i say hi, he briefly glances at me and nods then purposely turns his head and carries on this conversation with other people with this smile stretched across his freaking face. it's like he's making a point to show that he's not talking to me and doesn't want to either. at first i ignored it cuz i figured he would get over it, but yesterday he reached ultimate prick-hood.

he was having a conversation with my friend and i say ONE thing in the conversation. i wasn't even directly talking to him. i was just adding something to the convo. but stupid jackass turns to me and says, "hey. shut up im not talking to you. im talking to ****." i was thinking, "whoa...calm down jack hole."

i tried to be nice and civil cuz i dont like it when people are mad at me. i dont like having enemies or anything. i dont even think i know anyone who totally doesn't like me at all. hmm....maybe sulaymen but i could care less about that. anways, my point is that there's no one i don't like and doesn't like me back. it sucks that he used to be my friend but now we're not talking at all. to top it off he's in The Last Unicorn with me also. i didn't want us to not be friends, but im not going to give him the benefit of the doubt while he's continuously being mean to me. he doesn't deserve that.

i refrained from mentioning any names in case anyone freaks out or w/e. anyways, i luv this song =D.

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me,
Time after time.
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting,
Time after time.
~ Cindy Lauper - "Time After Time"

this song brings back memories from my junior high years. those were fun days =D. i remember how i used to complain about the work and now it's like one fifth of the work i have now in my classes. i remember my boy-band obsession. i remember round-up day and the renaissance lunch and the straight-A tea. i remember in the morning we would all be under the alcove talking and taking pictures of daniel. i remember lunch time by the portables. i remember the dances and the crushes and the simplicty of everything.

i remember eighth grade being one of the best years of my life. there was the waterworld, or was it raging waters (i forgot), trip. the promotion dance rocked. eighth grade was the year that i wasn't new anymore. i was surrounded by friends and i was finally fitting in to fremont life. i liked being the upper class on campus. it felt good knowing everyone from the students to the teachers. if there was one year i could repeat, it'd be eighth grade. but life moves on, and things get complicated. high school is harder and as i get older each year i wish for the day that i was back in junior high. i wish for the day that things were easy....simple.

still, so much has happend in high school that i wouldn't trade these past three years for the world. i've made so many new friends and have had so many new experiences. i'm just reminiscing about the good ol' days. hmm...i find it ironic that i talk about "the good ol' days" and yet im only sixteen. im not turning seventeen for another eight months.

i wonder what brought on this three paragraph ramble about the past. i guess it's that lately i've been so busy. It's killing me just to stay caught up in my classes without having to study for AP tests and SAT IIs. and with all this work burying me i just thought about a simpler life....a junior high-schoolers life. don't get me wrong, i love being in high school. part of what's so great about it is that after i get through all the stress and work i can look back and say, "damn, i made it through." my friend told me to take things slower and that life goes as slow as i want it to. well, that's not entirely true. life moves at lightning speed and i gotta stay caught up. otherwise i fall behind. hmmm...maybe thats just my life. i couldn't stand living a slow life and miss out on all the action =D =P.

---

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

freaking funniest thing happened in history today. me, sarmad, and david were all talking about the ch.5 test. me and david got C's and sarmad got an A, so david was all yelling at sarmad, "you know what? shut up sarmad! shut your mouth...". and david says like a few more things before he realizes that half the class is staring at him. so im like "david..." and i motion to the front of the classroom. and standing at the front is mrs.morse STARING straight at david with her mouth WIDE open and her eyes like BORING into his head. then morse says "you're talking to MY interact officer, sir!". hahahahahaha. everyone straight up started laughing. it was SO hilarious. i was CRACKING up. hahahhaha. daveeed is so funny =D.

haha, i'm going to refrain from making fun of him TOO much cuz he got me pizza for lunch. thanks david =D. you're good for laughs AND pizza. woot!

this morning i had a MAJOR stress attack cuz i thought i had an english test, chem test, two newspaper articles due, paste-up for journalism, and rehearsals all next week. i was FREAKING out. then people pointed out to me that journalism paste up isn't until march eighth and the chem test isn't until march twelfth. haha. stupid me. so all i got is an english test next week. i feel better =D.

im doing SO bad in math. i think i have a C in that class. if im SUPER lucky i might have a B. all i know is that if i want to pull off an A i have to ACE every freaking test from now on. which i doubt will happen. i can ramble about this for awhile and how pissed off Mr.K was, but i'll save that for some other time. niteums!

im feeling just a tad freaking stressed right now. im so good at balancing my time...dealing with hw and extracurriculurs. but i feel like im running on a constant schedule i can't break. i've been balancing things for so long without a break that i feel like im breaking down. i need a break from school. but school doesn't slow down and im trying to keep up but it's so hard. i have an english study group this weekend. i gotta do my chem labs this weekend also. i have an english essay due monday. i have an english test on friday. i have a chem test thursday and friday. and i still got practice next week. the ap us history test is in may and i haven't started studying yet.

i really need to catch up on chem reading. cuz i haven't read section five or six which is what tonights hw is on. im tempted to copy the hw but i know that never helps. i try to refrain from copying. i like doing things on my own. but there's so much for me to do on my own i think im falling apart. my parents are going to l.a. again this weekend....leaving sunday morning and coming back monday night. im so sick of being alone all the time. most teenagers would be like "woohoo! one night w/o parents." but i get sick of it....of having to stay home alone overnight, without even my sister around. i just want to sleep. i want time to stop so i can catch up. but like in Big Fish, if time stops, when is starts again, it runs ten times faster to make up for lost time. life is like a constant rewind, stop, fast forward, pause, play. it hasn't been on pause for awhile.

omg...today was SO freaking windy and rainy. on my way to school i saw two people with HUMUNGOUS umbrellas that were flipped inside out by the rain. i saw keagan with his umbrella and the wind was blowing SO hard that he was literally pulling his umbrella over his shoulder so it wouldn't fly away. hahahahaha. that was one of the funniest things ever. and this other girl was holding a starbucks cup and her inside out umbrella. since she was walking against the wind, she had to walk backwards while dragging her umbrella. hahaha. whoooo...laugh attack right there =D.

after second period me and jo had to walk from history all the way to chem. since we were walking against the wind, i had to hold my umbrella out in front of us so that it wouldn't get blown away. the umbrella only really helped to keep the rain out of our faces. cuz the wind was blowing the rain so hard, that our pants got wet and everything. it was so freaking hilarious. me and jo were laughing soooo hard. cuz everywhere we looked ppl looked like they were gonna get blown away. we felt like we were fighting a war trying to walk from class to class. hahahahaha. i never knew rainy/windy days could be so freaking FUNNY. hahaha.

it should rain hard more often. it puts me in a funny mood =D.

JorDAN puts me in a funny mood also:
bernard3473: i'm very tired and i think i'm sick.
LiPsOnFiRe19: stay home
bernard3473: ...
bernard3473: i am home.
bernard3473: Are you home, StepHanie?
bernard3473: Where's your home?
bernard3473: They say that home is where your heart is, but you can't live inside your own chest.
LiPsOnFiRe19: hahahahahahah

Ruthann's reaction after she visited my xanga:
SwEeTAhOy: wow ho damn
SwEeTAhOy: orlando bloom is fuckin fine
SwEeTAhOy: man!!!!
SwEeTAhOy: :O
SwEeTAhOy: my jaw dropped
SwEeTAhOy: literally
SwEeTAhOy: omg
SwEeTAhOy: man!!!
LiPsOnFiRe19: hahaahahahhaah
LiPsOnFiRe19: ur so funny ruthann
SwEeTAhOy: omg
SwEeTAhOy: my mouth is still open
SwEeTAhOy: makes me want to be an elf
SwEeTAhOy: man i just wish i was that car that he has his hands on
LiPsOnFiRe19: WHOA
LiPsOnFiRe19: calm down
SwEeTAhOy: jk
SwEeTAhOy: HAAAWWWWTNESS tho
SwEeTAhOy: okay i think im calming down now
SwEeTAhOy: whew
SwEeTAhOy: man im gonna visit ure xanga every single day
LiPsOnFiRe19: LOL!!!!!!

k now i gotta study for precalc ch.5 retest. yeah, just thinking about that is making me sober down.

i was soooo tired last night, so i tried to get to bed as quickly as i could. but my hair was still wet and i didn't brush my teeth yet. so brilliant me, i decided to mulitask. i was brushing my teeth and blowdrying my hair at the same time. apparently that was one of those "pat your head while rubbing your tummy" situations cuz i started focusing on only brushing my teeth, and i accidently rammed the blowdryer into the side of my head. that HECK OF hurt. ouch. then i stopped mulitasking and just brushed my teeth. haha. i still went to bed at ten though. hehe yay! i luv sleep =D.

LiPsOnFiRe19: aren't u so jealous of keira knightly?
EyE AmNuMbEr OnE: cuz of her hotness?
EyE AmNuMbEr OnE: yaahhh
EyE AmNuMbEr OnE: hell yah
LiPsOnFiRe19: hahahaha
LiPsOnFiRe19: u know she's only eighteen?
EyE AmNuMbEr OnE: are you SERIOUS!?!?!
EyE AmNuMbEr OnE: hmm...i have a shot..
EyE AmNuMbEr OnE: hehe
EyE AmNuMbEr OnE: j/k
LiPsOnFiRe19: hahahahahah
LiPsOnFiRe19: yeah right, u wish


bernard3473: Whoa
LiPsOnFiRe19: what
bernard3473: That all just popped up at once. 8 messages in one second.
bernard3473: My modem has cancer.
LiPsOnFiRe19: LOL!


LiPsOnFiRe19: what's the name of the contest?
EyE AmNuMbEr OnE: Growing up Asian in America
LiPsOnFiRe19: k
EyE AmNuMbEr OnE: you're welcome
LiPsOnFiRe19: i didn't say thank you
EyE AmNuMbEr OnE: but you should have
LiPsOnFiRe19: but i didn't
EyE AmNuMbEr OnE: do i give a shit?
EyE AmNuMbEr OnE: no
LiPsOnFiRe19: whoa.....testy

i was xanga hopping and found LOTR blogrings. so i clicked on them to see what other LOTR freaks like me are like. i found A LOT of orlando bloom obsessed people that are on the verge of insaneness. this one girl had this website in her xanga.

http://www.bestofbloom.com/kiss_orlando.cgi

k...if i was orlando bloom i'd be heck of freaked out by that site. *shivers*. yeah, he's hot and all...but people who ENJOY going to that website are just plain scary.

since my xanga is just sitting there like a useless blob not doing anything, except leaving comments, i decided to use it. not to blog or anything but just for random things. i recently decided this cuz i can't post pictures or make active links on blogger. haha. im sure i can, but i don't know how to....so basically i can't. hahaha. so now my xanga has some purpose besides leaving comments. it'll have pretty pictures and website links =D. yay!

Just a warning: this is a loooong entry. the whooole thing is me ranting and rambling.

i did soooo badly on my speech. and im not being melodramatic or exaggerating. i literally froze up there for about fifteen seconds. my mind went BLANK. the problem with freezing is that you're not focusing on getting back your train of thought. You're focusing on the fact that you're up there and not saying a word. so the consequence is that you're silence just keeps on going. after like ten seconds i was seriously considering just stopping and running out of there. but im not the type of person to give up so i kept on going. in my speech i didn't say stuff that i rehearsed, and i said stuff that i never rhearsed before. i had my speech down so well. i heck of memorized it, but no matter how well you can memorize a speech when u get up there it's so different.

i've never frozen before...EVER. all bad. all bad. i thought that me and michelle were gonna go to a rotary meeting then go somewhere to say the speech....but we actually said the speech AT the meeting. and when it's a niles rotary club meeting EVERYONE in the rotary club is there. there were like eight tables with ten people at each one. holy mother....there were a lot of people.

i'm used to getting up in front of an audience cuz that's what i do in school plays. i've never frozen on stage or felt nervewrecked, but this is so different. when my mind went blank i thought "oh, so this is what it's like to have a stroke". when im acting im someone else, and im not being myself. i just get lost in the performance. and in debates you're interacting with other people. but when you give a speech that has to be about a certain topic, in this time limit, and you know people there are judging you.....it's so nervewrecking. before i get up in front of an audience i always tell myself "if u make an ass out of yourself...who cares. you'll never see these people again." so when i say that to myself i always go all out and do my best. but this was so different. when i was rehearsing my speech i knew when i would pause and all the hand motions to make...but when i got up there my hands were glued to my sides.

and rotary people are kinda daunting. like these people are freaking loaded and they have this high standing in society. you can't be in the club if you're not pretty well off. and after my speech i found out that dr.richard king was there. i was like "oh". that's all i could think of. i mean, dr. king the infamous speech maker saw me make the worst speech EVER. great. absolutely wondeeeful.

The rules for the audience are that no one can clap. you basically have to be completely still and silent during the speeches. so even though i know it's the rules, when no one's saying anything and just staring at you it's scary. and when i was walking off i felt all eyes on me and no one said anything. i heck of wish that when i froze, soemone would've gotten up and said "just freaking talk!!" and that would've defintely gotten me in gear.

i thought i was so ready for the speech. the only part i was worried about was that my speech wasn't good enough. i was counting on my public speaking ability to make the speech good. cuz i've always been able to get up in front of an audience and perform. but i felt so let down after the speech. it's that feeling you get when you thought you were really good at something, but then you just totally failed at it.

so i got third place and twenty five bucks. a lot of people will say "why're u complaing. you got twenty five bucks." but i guess they dont understand that i dont care about the money or what place i get.....i just wanted to give a good speech. i can see that the phrase "at least you tried your hardest" really does mean a lot. there were only three of us there so we would all get prize money, but if there were ten people there and i didn't get money but gave a really good speech, then i'd feel good. cuz it's not about being first or getting the money.

i'm trying to look at this positively. (trying but not really succeeding). i mean, it WAS my first time, and now i know how DIFFERENT speech making is from acting....especially when you're being judged. but i guess i got experience now and i'll learn from it. the girl who got first place TOTALLY deserved it though. this was her FOURTH year doing the contest and she was definitely good. another good thing: when i first mentioned the name dory and finding nemo this guy in the front started heck of laughing. a lot of people laughed whenever i mentioend finding nemo so that was good =D. but man....i still feel so horrible for how badly i screwed up =/

rotary meetings are interesting. they find so many excuses for you to donate money. like it's this one guy's birthday so the president addresses the room "how much do you think? fifty bucks?" and the bday guy goes "no. twenty." so the bday guy whips out his check book and writes a check for twenty dollars. they do this for everything. if its your anniversary you'll write a check. if you moved you'll write a check. and in this way they get all these donations and stuff. it's pretty funny that you GIVE money away on ur bday.

geez....rotary people are loaded. all over the place people are breaking out checkbooks and cash and everything. for their freaking lunch they got this whole buffet going with salad, fettucine, potatoes, roast turkey, fruits, and cake set out on small plates. im like holy crap, this is casual lunch!? oh well, it was yummy.

i keep on reflecting back on when i froze...that was a horrible moment. i think giving that speech was one of the scariest things i've done. i still think i screwed up horribly but since i've been ranting for like half an hour, by now i've realized that maybe it wasn't SO bad. everyone was congratulating me afterwards, and im pretty sure they were all genuine "congratulations". they were all saying that it take guts going up there....and it takes guts not to run out of the room. even whitney was heck of nervous and it was her fourth year also.

i really wish that i hadn't done so badly....but wallach and hougherton were both telling me that the speaker always sees things much worse than the audience. the audience is just sitting there waiting for the speaker to continue, whereas the speaker feels like she's having a damn STROKE! i guess it's all perspective. i think i've ranted enough. eh, i'll probably do more ranting in school tomorrow when ppl ask me how the speech contest went. i'm a talkative person....it's not enough for me to just say "bad".

egh...bad day today. chem test was easy but i know i missed four already. four's not so bad but you know that whenever you're certain of your wrong answers, you always get more answers wrong in addition to the ones you're sure of. math test was o.k. i could've gotten a C or i could've gotten A. i hate that. blah, retarded speech. hmm...i wonder how long it'll take me to get over this. any guesses? i'm thinking about one week.

i have a speech tomorrow that i haven't memorized yet. i have a chem test tomorrow im not ready for. and i have a math test tomorrow that im not ready for either. oooh yeah, i'm in a damn good situation right now. shit.

and im hungry.

hooolllllly crap it's going to be a busy week. chem test, math test, and speech contest ALL on thursday. k, well not really busy week......just busy half a school week. haha. i haven't even touched my speech since i first wrote it. ah!!! there's not enough time for everything! i haven't touched my english essay either. too.....much.....stuff.....to....do. brain....is.....exploding....noooo. i gotta get through this week.....with A's also.

i changed the background to my xanga =D. it's nice, if i do say so myself. or in paula's words "your xanga background...im speechless. its..... indescribable. =DDDDDD" hahaha. yeah, it's pretty damn sexy. gtg plough through all my work now....

ah!!!!! i have to wait THREE friggin weeks to watch the next new Alias episode!! nooooo!! and the preview for it looks really GOOD! ah! the next three weeks are going to be torture!!!!!!! haha, im exaggerating the situation but i really do have to wait three weeks. being melodramatic is so much fun though =D

Stole this from Jean:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the movies that you have in common with me
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with movies that you’ve watched

1. Big Fish
2. Monsters Inc.
3. The Last Samurai
4. The Perfect Score
5. Fellowship of the Ring
6. Finding Nemo
7. Peter Pan
8. Home Alone
9. Aladdin
10. The Ring
11. 10 Things I Hate About You
12. Wild Wild West
13. Spiceworld
14. 8 Mile
15. Bambi
16. Pirates of the Carribean
17. Bad Boys I
18. Bad Boys II
19. My Best Friends Wedding
20. 101 Dalmatians
21. Ocean’s Eleven
22. Little Rascals
23. Matrix Revolutions
24. Big Daddy
25. Blue Streak
26. Chamber of Secrets
27. Sorcerer Stone
28. Heartbreakers
29. Apollo 13
30. The Mummy I
31. Freaky Friday
32. The Parent Trap
33. Mona Lisa Smile
34. Our Town
35. East of Eden
36. Titanic
37. Forrest Gump
38. Death of a Salesman
39. The Haunted
40. The Others
41. The Mummy II
42. Switching Goals
43. Oliver and Company
44. The Two Towers
45. The Return of the King
46. Mighty Ducks
47. Billboard Dad
48. Mission: Impossible
49. America’s Swethearts
50. The Sweetest Thing
51. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
52. I Know What You Did Last Summer
53. Charlie’s Angels
54. Sound of Music
55. Mary Poppins
56. The Princess Diaries
57. Glory
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Amelie
60. Shrek
61. Rush Hour
62. Pearl Harbor
63. Just Married
64. Rush Hour 2
65. Shanghai Noon
66. Rumble in the Bronx
67. Lady and the Tramp
68. Dr. Doolittle
69. Dr. Doolittle 2
70. Bring It On
71. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
72. The Outsiders
73. The Matrix
74. The Nutty Professor
75. Ghost
76. Never Been Kissed
77. Clueless
78. Mulan
79. Bend it Like Beckham
80.The Adventures of Huck Finn
81. Ever After
82. Toy Story I
83. Sixth Sense
84. Men In Black I, II
85. The Lion King
86. Urban Legends
87. October Sky
88. Lion King 2
89. Little Mermaid
90. American Pie
91. The Mask
92. Scooby Doo
93. Bad Company
94. Mrs. Doubtfire
95. Enemy of the State
96. Free Willy
97. A Beautiful Mind
98. Romeo & and Juliet
99. Lost World
100. Casper

omg.....BIG FISH is SUCH good movie! i went to go see it yesterday with daveed. ah!!! i luv that movie =D =D. it comes in second after LOTR. haha. it has such a bittersweet ending. i felt like crying and smiling at the same time. EVERYONE should go see that movie. it's SUPER cool. the guy who plays the older dad does a REALLY good job in his role. he should've been nominated for best supporting actor.....but oh well.

http://f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/paula_jean02/album?.tok=phzSdpABQPb13WIQ&.dir=/46bb&.src=ph

woohoo! those are fremont flowers/elegant affaire pictures. lucky me, i only got one candid picture taken of me that night. it's better than the usual FIFTY candids. haha.

NEW episode of Alias tonight! woo!!! FINALLY!!!!! it's about frigging time =D.

i am the second princess =D. not just ANY second princess but THE second princess in The Last Unicorn. haha. i don't know why i'm so excited....it's a really small part. like dinky small. it still makes me happy though. in addition to being the second princess i'm also part of the ensemble and other various group/movement roles. snazziness =D. only bad part about being a part of this play is that i dont have any friends in it.....come to think of it, i didn't have any friends in Arsenic and Old Lace....or in Joe White and the Seven Lizards. damn, i'm starting to feel like a loner. hahahaha. oh well, that's all part of the experience, meeting new people and all.

Last night was elegant affaire. last year was more fun cuz this year it was HECK OF disorganized. we couldn't use the hall so all the volunteers who were serving had to stand in this TINY hall and outside in the FREEZING cold. that sucked....so after i served the first dish me and ester went to hang out in the coat check with steph c. and this girl jennifer from American.

i was so freaking crazy last night. i think it was the cold. ppl go loony in the cold. or it could've been my gum. don't trust doublemint gum. hahaha. i was singing commerical jingles, tv show theme songs, and disney songs. haha. Chris (dring) stopped by and he pushed me around on one of those two wheel cart thingers that are used to move boxes. haha....interesting experience. when paula, michelle, and yang came by we went crazy with the cameras. DO THE SWU!!! that's the strip tease i made up. i think it's more scary than sexy. hahahaha.

i think im deaf. first clue: we took a hearing test during history and i think i only heard 4-5 beeps when ur supposed to hear six. oops. second clue: when ester said "he's been an ass lately", i heard "he's a bad athlete". third clue: i thought this one guy's name was joe but it was alex. fourth clue: ester was talking about this guy and i kept on referring to him as either eric or alex but his name was aaron.

oo!! BEST part of the evening was my CUP idea =D =D =D. when you work in coat check you're allowed to keep the tips that people give you. steph and jen had only got a tip of one dollar when i came. as we were getting a coat for this one guy, he asked if we had a tip jar, and we're like "oh...no we don't". so he thought we didn't accept tips and he left. so me and my BRILLIANT mind got a cup from the shelf and stuffed a couple of steph c.'s dollar bills in it and set it on the counter. by the end of the night we had 15 dollars. pretty spiffy huh?

we ended up leaving the elegant affaire at almost midnight. it ran heck of late this year. fun times though =D (wow.....long entry. oh well i was feeling chatty)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE!

today was the WEIRDEST, STRANGEST audition i've ever been to. since unicorn is really big on movement we did a lot of stretches, exercises, and pretending to be forests things. haha. towards the end we started reading lines though. Ballin told us all that we were in the play for sure...but some of us would have small parts that would only deal with movement and no speaking lines. im SUPER happy that i MADE it into the play! yay! cuz heck of ppl tried out and im IN! WOOT! im REALLY hoping for a speaking part. i'd still do a smaller non-speaking role cuz i've never done something like that before, and it'd be cool to experience a new type of acting.....but im crossing my fingers really hard for speaking role =D.

i got my new glasses yesterday. the lens for my right eye is really thick but thank goodness you can't tell cuz my glasses frames are thick also and it hides the edges of the lens =D. my new glasses are super spiffy. they're REALLY strong though.....it's taking me awhile to get used to them. when i first put them on, i got SO freaking dizzy. wow. haha.

sarmad burned the LOTR: ROTK soundtrack for me with the blank cd daveed gave me. haha....i feel like a freeloader. oh well, it's a good feeling. i luv that soundtrack. it's so cool. with each song i can picture the scene that goes with it. haha. now i got this cool theme in my room. LOTR posters and LOTR music. snazziness =D

i tried out for The Last Unicorn today after school. ugh...i was SO not in the mood for tryouts. i felt like going home and sleeping in my bed. mmmmm. but i also didn't want to NOT try out so i went anyways. and it's a good thing i didn't take the tryouts really seriously cuz GUESS WHAT?!?! i just checked the whs theater website and i'm getting called back tomorrow!!! woot woot! i think if i was really focused on the tryouts i would've been more nervous and i wouldn't have done as well.

since sean (crawford) is like the assistant director person, he was watching the auditions with Ballin. after my audtion he gave me a big hug and he said "OMG! you did sooooo good. you're like in the top three now. im so amazed. you did absolutely wonderful. i just want to squeeze you!" hahaha. that last part was weird...but the rest made me really happy =D. i hope Ballin thinks i did as well as Sean does. *crosses fingers*

agh...im starting to feel a leetle overwhelmend. just a lil'. cuz if i make the play i got practice three days a week....which is increased to five days a week in May. and may just happens to be AP testing. and right now, i also got my speech contest next Thursday and i got to work on that. on top of that, everything in chem and math is like WHOOSH! flying over my head. i don't get any of it. AND the english controversial issue essay is frigging hard to write about. i can forsee it's going to kill me. i hope i make the play.....but i also hope i don't cuz it'll make me SUPER busy. well i think i can handle it.....or can i? im barely handling my six classes now. well, God will get me through it all whether im in the play or not (which i hope i will be =D).

i got NINE hours of sleep last night cuz i went to bed at 9:30. and when i woke up this morning i felt drugged. i hate how being sick makes you feel so energy-deprived. i went through the whole day like a zombie. i only woke up in sixth period cuz ryan and perry were talking about going to the make out spot on a bicycle (not together....just in general). then they started miming it out with the air.....and that got weird, but it got my attention. hahahaha.

my hands are dry. i need some lotion. lotion is so cool =D.

i watched pearl harbor last night. that movie is so sad. ah......josh hartnett and ben affleck are so hot. haha.....you knew i was gonna say that sooner or later so why not sooner? hahaha.

ah im so upset with myself. i DONT know what i did this weekend. i really dont know. i wasted the ENTIRE weekend. i hate it when i waste time. i dont mind relaxing and watching tv.....doing what i want. but i really wasted my weekend. dammit i HATE cable. it SUCKS. it wastes my time. im starting to get addicted to it. what's sad is that after i finish watching tv...i realize it was pointless. i was watching pointless tv that i could've lived without. damn.....i wish we never had cable. argh! so sad.....i could've done so much stuff during this three day weekend.....but instead i sat like a dud in front of my television. now i actually wish my parents were home so that they could ban me from watching cable. im a weird kid, i know.

it's been lonely these past few days. my parents left for l.a. sunday morning, and i've been by myself ever since.......hence my cable addiction. anyways, i know that a lot of ppl post lyrics on their xangas/blogs/lj's and most readers just say screw it and scroll through them......but i really really really love these lyrics. yes, i'm also addicted to the LOTR soundtracks. it's an extension of my LOTR obsession =D.

Annie Lennox - "Into the West"
Soundtrack: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
The night is falling
You have come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

(Chorus)
What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home

And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
All Souls pass

Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say
We have come now to the end
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again
And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping

Chorus

And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the West

rawrg, i don't like xangas that play music. cuz im just sitting here happily listening to my music then i go visit someone's site and their music DROWNS out MY music. it's like "oh...i was kinda enjoying my music." haha, yeah that's one of my pet peeves =P

i played tennis with ester tonight. first time since......the season ended. hahaha. wow, when we first started......holy crap i SUCKED! like every swing i made seemed so unnatural. i forgot the form and everything. but after awhile we got warmed up and our tennis balls stopped flying all over the courts. hahaha. it was so much fun.....tennis is such a great way to relieve stress. and it was amusing watching sarmad ride his brother's scooter while chasing his brother. haha. that was ironic.

ah! sorrie i can't sleep over tomorrow ester! but next friday we will!!!! holla! haha =D

this will only make sense to those that've read "One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest"

Paula: ..... u ACUTE
Paula: lol
Me: u OBTUSE!
Paula: ? acute as in chronics/wheelers/vegetables
Me: OH!
Me: i was thinking TRIANGLES
Paula: i want to be a wheeler
Paula: and go 1mph on my nifty wheelchiar
Paula: hahaha
Me: HAHAHAHAH


Perry: never done drugs in my life and i dont plan on
Me: liar
Perry: ok fine i do do drugs
Perry: ive been 2 juvi
Perry: and ive been ass raped.........


im so overjoyed about the 11 Oscar nominations that LOTR ROTK got. i'm also extremely excited about Hidalgo coming out March 5 and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban coming out June 4th. yay! it's about time also =D. can't wait for the Uno Party me and paula are throwing on sunday. muahaha. uno till we drop!

so today at lunch i said my speech in front of morse and hougherton. out of the three contestants, me and michelle got chosen to compete at the niles rotary club which is basically us and the fremont christian kiddies. and if i place first, second, or third, i compete at the area level, and so on. im feeling very pleased considering my speech was made TOTALLY last minute. i was still working on it in second period and READ period. haha =D.

i NEED to see Big Fish. and i NEED to see it NOW! anyone wanna see it with me?

I went to my eye appointment with my dad today. Apparently my right eye has gotten a heck of a lot worse. It’s 450 now, and it used to be 250. I feel like a Cyclops cuz my left eye is only 50.

After I picked out the glasses frame, I sat down with the doctor person to figure out the price. With the lens the optometrist recommended, the total came out to like two hundred something…so my dad would have to pay like 60 something dollars extra since insurance only covers 150. Since that was too expensive, he told the person that we were going to get the 85 dollar lens instead of the 124 dollar ones.

It’s my dad’s money, so it’s his decision…but when I heard that, there was a surge of hate inside me. I hated my dad for not having a job. I hated that I would have to wear lopsided glasses…glasses that were heavy on one side and light on the other. I hated my aunt for screwing up our family. I hated myself for being such a selfish bitch. I hated the fact that no one was around anymore...not my sister, not my relatives, and especially not my parents. I hated that my parents were so busy they didnt know what was going on in my life. And, again, i hated myself for being so self-centered. I hated that my parents couldn't have one fucking moment of happiness. didn't they deserve it? As my dad and I were walking to the parking lot, he turned to me and said “If I had a job, I would get you the best lenses.” I felt like crying.

I found out I have a 4.0 for the semester. How happy am i? not very. well, that's not entirely true. im happy that i worked hard and it payed off with a 4.0...yeah, im pleased with myself. it's just that no amount of A's or 4.0's will make me happy with life. it really hit me today that my grades are not what's going to make or break me. I've known that for awhile....i've been saying it since sophomore year. sure, i'm still going to try for a 4.0 second semester. it's what I always do...try my best. In the car on the way home i told my dad i had a 4.0 for the semester. it made him so happy. he was like clapping.

no comments on this entry please. thanks.

i seriously have problems with my desk and things falling behind it. on my desk i have a touch lamp with two "Stephanie" magnets on it. right next to that i have my harry potter day-by-day calender. i was holding the calender cuz i was looking through the pictures, and when i went to go put it back i knocked off one of the magnets from my lamp. the magnet hit the wall and fell behind the desk....

now i gotta get the magnet out with these stick thingers and hope THOSE don't fall behind the desk also. dang....

during the interact meeting i got this little black folder type thing from the wheelchair foundation. It's a thank you for donating a wheelchair. it's so cool cuz it's got a picture of the person i donated it to, their name, age, and country. my wheelchair went to this one 23 yr.old guy in China. i feel so happy =D. that's definitely going on my wall. or on my shelf...whichever i have room for. haha. that little thank you folder made me feel so good. it's so refreshing to know that u've made one more person in the world happier =D. woot woot!

today was less cold and rainy and windy. yay!

funniest thing happened after dinner. my dad was eating one of those pre-packaged apple pie snack thingers. it's like crust all around and inside it's an apple filling. so here's what happened:

dad: do you want some?
me: no, i don't like pie
dad: you don't like what?
me: pie, i don't like pie
dad: this isn't an apple pie, it's an apple COOKIE

hahahahahahaha......i started lauhing soooo hard. ten minutes later i was still laughing my ass off and my dad tells my mom "your daughter has some issues." the whole thing was made funnier by the fact he said that in chinese. LOL!!!!! whooooo....funny night =D

Today was cold and rainy and windy. My hands were cold. So were my ears. Not to mention my nose also. This was all a result of today being cold and rainy and windy. And when i saw James wearing shorts and a t-shirt, it made me feel even more cold. Stupid cold and rain and wind. Brrrrrr.

Happy Groundhog Day Everyone. Although i don't really see what's so happy about it cuz we're gonna get six more weeks of winter. damn groundhogs. yenno, those things are freaking BIG! i thought they were these small things that were a cross between a gopher and a hamster. But this morning i saw it on the news and it looked like a cross between a hedgehog and a skunk. weird looking thing it was. well i got to get back to doing homework on this cold and rainy and windy day.

i went to SF yesterday to volunteer with Interact. it was pretty fun. it was a real eye-opener. cuz so many people come in for food, and it makes u realize how lucky you are. yeps. to have food and a place to live....i feel so blessed =D.

funny things also happened. this one guy wearing makeup came up to alan and called him sweetie. and this other guy told this freshman that was volunteering, that he was "very handsome". then he asked the kid where he was from and all that junk, and right before he left he was like "yes, ur a very handsome person." me and paula burst out laughing afterwards. hahahaha. then this other guy handed megan a hilary duff magazine. i was looking at it and i found out that frankie muniz, the malcom in the middle kid, is EIGHTEEN years old. i found that so shocking. iono why. i thought he was like my age....16. but he's like an adult. haha. there's my revelation for the day.

afterwards we headed over to the SF shopping center to eat lunch. me and paula shared a SMASHED (not mashed) potato and fresh-cut-fries.....YUM! it was a potato oriented lunch =D. soooooooo good. i looooove smashed potatoes now. i'd make it if i knew how to. haha.

this has been such a nice weekend. i relaxed, watched a charmed marathon (haha), and ate POTATOES! oh and i also got a 2004 Harry Potter day-by-day calender from scott =D. it's so freaking cool. i've already went through it and found the days that have pictures of oliver wood (sean biggerstaff) and tom riddle (i don't know the actor name). oliver wood is so gorgeous =D. i luv him. i think im going to rip out those pictures and put them on my wall. i also put up my finding nemo poster-in-a-frame from matthew. haha. my room is starting to look like a promotion for movies and celebrities. oh well. i luv it.

this has been such a nice weekend. so relaxing. i hate to think that on monday i'll get back into the boring school routine. damn. oh well, it's been fun =D.