I went to my eye appointment with my dad today. Apparently my right eye has gotten a heck of a lot worse. It’s 450 now, and it used to be 250. I feel like a Cyclops cuz my left eye is only 50.

After I picked out the glasses frame, I sat down with the doctor person to figure out the price. With the lens the optometrist recommended, the total came out to like two hundred something…so my dad would have to pay like 60 something dollars extra since insurance only covers 150. Since that was too expensive, he told the person that we were going to get the 85 dollar lens instead of the 124 dollar ones.

It’s my dad’s money, so it’s his decision…but when I heard that, there was a surge of hate inside me. I hated my dad for not having a job. I hated that I would have to wear lopsided glasses…glasses that were heavy on one side and light on the other. I hated my aunt for screwing up our family. I hated myself for being such a selfish bitch. I hated the fact that no one was around anymore...not my sister, not my relatives, and especially not my parents. I hated that my parents were so busy they didnt know what was going on in my life. And, again, i hated myself for being so self-centered. I hated that my parents couldn't have one fucking moment of happiness. didn't they deserve it? As my dad and I were walking to the parking lot, he turned to me and said “If I had a job, I would get you the best lenses.” I felt like crying.

I found out I have a 4.0 for the semester. How happy am i? not very. well, that's not entirely true. im happy that i worked hard and it payed off with a 4.0...yeah, im pleased with myself. it's just that no amount of A's or 4.0's will make me happy with life. it really hit me today that my grades are not what's going to make or break me. I've known that for awhile....i've been saying it since sophomore year. sure, i'm still going to try for a 4.0 second semester. it's what I always do...try my best. In the car on the way home i told my dad i had a 4.0 for the semester. it made him so happy. he was like clapping.

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