i got a letter from washington d.c. today.

Dear Stephanie,
I am delighted to inform you that, because of you outstanding academic achievements, you have been nominated to represent the state of CA as a National Scholar at teh National Young Leaders Conference--to be held this summer in Washington D.C.

let's see. what did i do after i read that? well first i read it again. cuz i was thinking, "wth!? why'd they choose me? why not choose someone with even more outstanding academic achievements like sarmad or someone?" after i read it about ten times i jumped online to see if it was a fake or not. so i do some research, and woohoo! it's not fake. THEN i thought "holy crap....i got picked to repreent CA." i was in such a state of shock that i couldn't even be estatically happy.

then i read all the other papers included with the letter. the cost is like 2200 dollars NOT including airfare. well, seeing as how my parents can't afford that, i dont think i can go. there are scholarships available but they're REALLY limited and there are so many more ppl who probably need it more than i do. which sucks. no it just doesn't suck. it sucks freaking retarded ass. this is a frigging amazing opportunity. it's a great way for me to work on my leadership AND it's even cooler cuz im chosen to represent CA. i dunno how many high school students are in CA, but there has to be a heck of a lot and i'm chosen. why? why am i chosen if i can't even afford to go? bastards.

it makes me mad. did God mean for me to get this letter and be accepted knowing that i can't go? or maybe God will find a way for me to go. i never know. He has a plan for me, and i just gotta accept it. it's just so hard accepting something when you don't know what that "soemthing" is. maybe in God's plan i'll get a scholarship and i'll be able to go. it's confusing. why does everything revolve around money? freaking everything. it's damn retarded.