i prayed for guidance because i felt estranged and lost. it was like i didn't even know what to ask or pray for. but He knew, and i was answered in the form of this:
http://restless_s0ul.blogspot.com/
interesting how these things work out huh?

this was my favorite post:
The Ultimate Sacrifice
Sometimes we lose sight of how amazing it all is. All of God's children that he created are sinners, and yet who received God's wrath and judgment? Who endured the pain for all of our sins combined? None other than God's own Son, who never sinned in his life.Isaiah 53:4-6 sums it up, in NLT instead of NIV, just this once, because I think it's easier to understand here:

"Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God for his own sins! But he was wounded and crushed for our sins. He was beaten that we might have peace. He was whipped, and we were healed! All of us have strayed away like sheep. We have left God's paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the guilt and sins of us all."

Jesus was constantly burdened by the sins of the entire world. But he knew exactly what he was doing, knew what he was in for. It's not like he enjoyed it; who would?

"Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.'" Matthew 26:39 (NIV)

Jesus refers to a cup of pain; he is overwhelmed with sorrow for other people, and prays to his Father for it to be taken away. But he says that he will accept what God wills, over what he wants. Someone mentioned that Jesus was punished as a common criminal. That's exactly right, he submitted himself to the punishment of a criminal, though he knew he was the Son of God. For those of you who have seen The Passion of the Christ, Jesus knew all of that was going to happen to him. He had the power to protect himself and prevent being crucified, but he chose not to use it, because of us. Because he knew the only way for us to reach God was through himself. His love for us kept him on the cross.

"'He saved others,' they said, 'but he can't save himself! He's the King of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, "I am the Son of God."'" Matthew 27:42-43

"About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?' --which means, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?'" Matthew 27:46

Imagine if you were a parent, and your child was in pain and crying out for you, and you couldn't do anything for them. It was worse for God, because he could have saved Jesus at any time, but again, he chose not to. He had no choice but to turn his back on his son.And he made this sacrifice for our salvation. As a gift to us, because he loved us. But you can't possibly open a gift until you acknowledge that the person gave it to you, right? If you ignore it and pretend it's not there, it will never be opened. Don't waste this gift; thank Christ for what he's done for you, and accept his offer of salvation.

*copied from Aurora's daily ramblings*

my dad is seriouly flipping out. he got mad yesterday when i closed his minesweeper game. he wanted to show me how to do online banking. so i connect to the internet and close his game that he was halfway through. he didn't even notice while we were doing the banking crap. then like ten minutes later when i'm already in my room he yells, "YOU CLOSED MY GAME!?!?? I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT! I DIDNT' FINISH IT AND YOU CLOSED IT!? NEXT TIME DON'T CLOSE MY GAMES OR ELSE YOU CAN'T USE THE COMPUTER AGAIN!!!!!" i was like what the.... i mean, he sounded exactly like a five year old. i closed his damn minesweeper game. get over it. start a new one. it's just minesweeper. won't kill you. i swear to goodness he's a jackhole sometimes. and he was heck of FREAKING out cuz i closed his game. it's like, how old are you? geez. rawrg. i think my dad picks fights when he's bored.

i hate the dmv. who knew you needed your fucking driver's training enrollment to take the permit test. grrrr, that makes me mad. i want to burn the dmv. i mean, it's not even logical! no shit you're going to take driver's training after you get your permit otherwise you can't get your license. bastards. i hate the dmv. so i woke up at 6:30 only to come home at 8:00. PLUS, i found out that i need BOTH my parents' signatures before i can take the test. rawrg.

i had the coolest dream last night. i hung out with harry potter and his friends =D. yeah it was cool. i rode a broomstick and did magic. hahahaha. it was interesting cuz even though i was hanging out with hogwarts people we were all wearing normal clothes and we were in a city that resembled San Francisco. that was such a freakishly awesome dream. i think we dream about things that are our last thoughts before bed or that relate to something we did during the day. cuz it just so happened that at work i was looking through cake decorations and i found the BEST harry potter cake design. i'm SO getting that for my birthday. yep...make everyone jealous =D.

laura's sleeping over tonight so we can pick District council members. hm, it's gonna be tough. picking 25 people out of 55. eerrrgh...it's not gonna be fun calling up those thirty people and telling them they didn't make it. i've got another interview in an hour, so []Deace out.

my sister called me last night from salt lake city, utah last night and i believe her exact words were "i'm the only non-white person here." hahahahaha. apparently, her and her bf ate at a mormon restaurant but they didnt' know it was mormon until they got inside and discovered there was no alcohol on the menu. she told me that everyone was staring at her because:

1) she was the only non-white person
2) she was wearing a low cut halter top

hahahahahaha. everyone at the restaurant was dressed pretty conseratively, and in walks probably the only asian in town, wearing a low cut halter top. that kills me. hahaha. it's not like everyone was wearing suits and ties but they were wearing jeans and tee shirts....nothing revealing. hahahahaha, man i wish i was there. but then again, i'd be one of the people everyone would stare at, and i dont think i like being stared at much.

serena left early on the 22nd and she should be stopping in omaha, nebraska tonight. two more days till she reaches philly. it was so sad when she left. i don't handle goodbyes too well. even at ryla....i didn't cry during the warm fuzzy or universe thing but i cried when we left camp and all the counselors were at the entrance waving goodbye and cheering. yeah, goodbyes suck. well i feel like some watermelon. []Deace out.

ryla reunion was off the hooooook. it was like i never left. we all picked up right where we left off. there was no small talk or awkwardness. we were a family once again and it was amazing =D. i didn't really swim....basically just ate, played on the beach, and talked with rylarians.
 
i got a ride from vince (omg...yes vince). for those people (ahem....sea gals) who think i purposely arranged that....i didn't. he just happens to live like ten minutes away from me, so it was convenient. you people who are rolling your eyes, you can stop, cuz it's the truth!
 
it was so great seeing everyone again. and it's not like we sat down and said, "so tell me, what have you been up to?" i think that's what was so cool about it. no one felt obligated to do that. we just.....hung out. and part of that hanging out included:
 
-burying people
-making ditches and holes
-being literally carried out to water by michelle and carlo
-eating
-playing mind games
-PLAYING MAFIA
-singing songs around the bonfire
-watching volleyball
-meeting new people
-taking pictures
-playing cups....with ACTUAL cups (not the mind game)
 
and so much more. man, we played so many mind games though. when i go to ryla as a counselor, i'm gonna play mind games with allll my campers =D. we played cups, bang bang, around the world, snaps, in my world, and the stick game. and NO ryla get-together is complete without a game of mafia, narrated by our ever dearest ricky. man, that game is hilarious. we HAVE to play at the winter semi-formal reunion. i don't care that we're all gonna be in suits and dresses and heels....we WILL play mafia.
 
singing cheesy boy-band songs around the campfire was fun. nowhere else but ryla, man. you sing a song like "this i promise you" anywhere else and you'll get strange looks, but with rylarians it's all good =D.
 
i was kinda sad not a lot of SS Ryla people showed up, but i hung out with a lot of new people which was fun.
 
R-Y-L-A, PUMP IT UP, PUMP IT UP! ON FIRE! YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW! AHHHWOOOOOO (WOO WOO WOO WOO) WEEEEEEEEEE (WOO WOO WOO WOO)
 
SS RYLA ~ Sea Gals Forever

i got a cell phone =D. freaking finally.

i played the "bang bang" game and the cups game today in driver's ed. hahahahah...it's funny seeing people so frusturated. ah, i shouldn't laugh...i'm the idiot who kept on playing for four hours trying to figure out the cup game. oh well =P.

my sister leaves in a week. *sigh* that makes me sad. my wardrobe is going to shrink...drastically. so when school starts, if my friends see me wear the same clothes every day...you know why.

my face is peeling like crazy. it's literally about fifty different shades. stupid sunburn. now whenever i go out in public i wear a hat cuz my forehead is really funky looking.

I GOT MY WARPED TOUR PICTURES BACK! hehehehehehe. that makes me so excited. story of the year pictures came out kinda blurry but the yellowcard ones turned out reealllly good. i think i'm gonna put the pic of me and sean mackin on my wall. hahahaha....looking at that picture makes me so happy =D.

holy crap..beach reunion is this coming saturday and i don't have a ride yet. erks!

i joined the ryla5170-2004 yahoo group, and someone posted the warm fuzzy story. i thought i'd post it on my blog for everyone to read. it's a rather nice story...kinda long, but it's worth the time. cheers to ryla memories =D

The Warm Fuzzy Story

Long ago, only little people lived on earth. Most of them dwelled in the little village of Swabeedoo, and thus they called themselves Swabeedoodahs. They were a very happy people and went about with broad smiles and cheery greetings for everybody.

One of the things that Swabeedoodahs liked best was to give Warm Fuzzies to one another. Each of the little people carried a bag over their shoulder and that bag was filled with Warm Fuzzies. Whenever two Swabeedoodahs met, each would give the other one of these small delights. It is an especially nice thing to give someone a Warm Fuzzy because it tells the person that they are special. It is a way of saying, “I like you,” and, of course, it is very pleasing to have someone give you one. When you have a warm fuzzy held out to you, when you take it and feel its warmth and fuzziness against your cheek, and when you place it gently and lovingly in your fuzzy bag, it puts a soft, glowing feeling in your heart. You feel noticed and appreciated when someone gives you one and it makes you want to do something for them in return. The little people of Swabeedoo love to give and receive these wonderful treasures, and their lives were very happy indeed.

Outside the village in a cold, dark cave, there lived a wicked witch. She didn’t really like living all by herself, and sometimes she got lonely, but she couldn’t seem to get along with anyone else, and didn’t enjoy sharing Warm Fuzzies with others; she thought it was a bunch of nonsense.

One evening, the witch walked into town and was met by a kindly Swabeedoo. “Hasn’t this been a fine Swabeedoodah day?” asked the little person with a smile. “Here, have a Warm Fuzzy. This one is special because I saved it just for you, for I don’t see you around town that often.” The witch refused, and then looked to see that no one else was around. She put her arm around the little Swabeedoodah and whispered in his ear, “Hey, don’t you know that if you give away all your Warm Fuzzies, one of these Swabeedoodah days you are going to run out?” She noted the look of shock and fear on the Swabeedoodah’s face and peering into this fuzzy bag, she continued, “Right now, I’d say you’re running low, better go easy on handing them out.” With that, the witch jumped on her broomstick and flew away, leaving a very confused and unhappy Swabeedoodah.

Now, the witch knew that every one of the Swabeedoodahs had an inexhaustible supply of Warm Fuzzies. She knew that as soon as you gave one away, another came to take its place, and so you can never run out of Warm Fuzzies in your whole life. But, she counted on the trusting nature of the Swabeedoodahs and on something she knew about herself. She just wanted to see if that same thing was in the Swabeedoodahs.

Immediately, the little Swabeedoodah ran home and asked his parents if the witch’s story was true. His father replied, “That’s a bunch of hog wash! You’ll never run out of Warm Fuzzies because you’ll always get one in return.” His mother said, “That witch is just trying to scare you. Warm Fuzzies have been around since the beginning of time and they will always be around.”

With that, the little Swabeedoodah went out to play with his little Swabeedoodah friends. As he walked towards the park, he encountered the witch again. He tried to ignore her, but she stopped him in his tracks and asked, “So, have you been taking my advice and watching the number of Warm Fuzzies you give out?” The Swabeedoodah replied, “My parents told me that I can never run out of Warm Fuzzies.” “Okay, but you’ll be sorry,” the witch said laughingly. With that, she flew off into the clouds. After this encounter, the Swabeedoodah became a little uneasy of who was telling him the truth and remembered what the witch had originally told him.

It isn’t long until our young Swabeedoodah saw a good friend with whom he had exchanged many Warm Fuzzies with before. This Swabeedoodah was surprised to find that when he gave his friend a Warm Fuzzy this time, he received only a strange look in return. Then he was told to beware of running low on his Fuzzy supply. With that, his friend was gone.

As he was walking home, our Swabeedoodah friend saw the witch for a third time. This time, she brought with her a Cold Prickly. A Cold Prickly is like a Warm Fuzzy in that, when you give it to someone, it makes you feel good; however, it makes the receiver feel cold and unappreciated. With a sly look, the witch handed the little Swabeedoodah some Cold Pricklies and said, “Here, start passing these out instead, for they will never run out.”

Not knowing the true effects of Cold Pricklies, the little Swabeedoodah took them with gratitude and started passing them out to all of his friends. Soon, everyone began to pass them out and they were found all over the town of Swabeedoo. The happiness that used to be present was now replaced with greed and sadness. All over, people began to forget the feeling that Warm Fuzzies used to give them and now only gave out Cold Pricklies.

Our little Swabeedoodah didn’t realize what had happened, and the whole town of Swabeedoo had become corrupt and evil. They became unkind and selfish, forgetting the happy atmosphere that had once surrounded their village and ruled their lives.

In the past, Warm Fuzzies had been unconditional. But now, there were conditions set on the distribution of them. Cold Pricklies were now given out unconditionally while Warm Fuzzies were saved only for birthdays. People wanted to have that Warm Fuzzy feeling again that Cold Pricklies just couldn’t give.

Up in Warm Fuzzy heaven, the good queen sensed that there was something wrong in the town of Swabeedoo. She wondered what was going on down there. She used her magical powers and opened up the clouds so she could see for herself. When she saw the vast aura of unhappiness she decided to investigate the situation for herself.

Upon arriving in Swabeedoo, she immediately noticed the Cold Pricklies and knew what had happened. So the good queen disguised herself as a Swabeedoo and quickly started passing out Warm Fuzzies. Once the citizens of Swabeedoo saw these Fuzzies, they remembered the good old days of Warm Fuzzies and reflected on how their lives had changed. They were no longer happy and joyous, and they realized how greedy and selfish they had become.

They reached down into their bags, pushing aside the Cold Pricklies and pulling out Warm Fuzzies to exchange. One Swabeedoodah exchanged a Warm Fuzzy with a friend, and this friend exchanged it with his friend, and so on. Soon, everyone began to exchange Warm Fuzzies and the town became blissful and happy once again.

how cute =D. makes you feel all Warm and Fuzzy doesn't it?

i love my sister so much. last night she gave me a sort of "going away present" which is ironic since SHE'S the one going away. but anyways, she gave me 200 bucks for my cell phone fund. cuz i've, well both of us, have recently realized that i need a cell phone DESPERATELY. since my parents aren't gonna pay for it, that was a nice going away present. she's the absolute best.

i seriously can't beleive she's leaving in two weeks. eeks. we saw fireworks on sunday. well not really fireworks. more like GLOWS. stupid SF fog blocked the fireworks. so all we could see were the really low ones, and the fireworks that were shot into the fog could only be seen because of the glows they emitted. kinda sad.

then the next day (monday) we saw HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN. finally! geez. it's about time i saw that movie. it's waaaaaaaay better than the first two, although i don't like the new dumbledore. i was upset there were no quidditch matches (which meant no oliver wood). everyone in there looks so much older...and hotter. yes, i think daniel radcliffe is hot. well i dont think hot describes him....more like cute. i'm not a freak. so i think daniel radcliffe, rupert grint (ron), and tom felton (draco malfoy) are hot...get over it. plus they all have nice british accents to boot =D.

soooo many movies to see, so little money.

warped tour kicked so much freaking ass. it was amazingly awesome. i mean aside from being kicked in the head multiple times, inhaling excessive amounts of second hand smoke, almost losing jean and nicole, being suffocated to the extent where i thought i would DIE, and getting my ENTIRE face sunburned...aside from all that, it was GREAT!!!!

i went with jean, michelle, lillian, and nicole. amina was SUPPOSED to come but due to some parental difficulties she couldn't. so anyways...

the yellowcard performance was the BEST. that was the one performance where i thought i was gonna die cuz i couldn't frigging breathe. people were all smushed against my chest and i was being pushed in every direction...not the most comfortable feeling in the world. but anything for yellowcard =D. that's the only bad i would suffer that agony for.

so aside from yellowcard we saw story of the year, atmosphere, the early november, new found glory, and thursday. we were supposed to see taking back sunday after yellowcard but we were so EXHAUSTED after that performance that we just shopped at the different booths. i had no idea being at a rock concert took so much energy.

I LOVE LILIAN AND JEAN!!!!! so we visited the yellowcard booth i think a total of three times. the first time we got shirts, and we were about to actually LEAVE warped tour when lilian and jean decided that they wanted a yellowcard pin. so we go back and guess who's there? SEAN MACKIN...who is the violinist from yellowcard. i got him to sign my yellowcard poster, and i took a picture with him. the final third time we went back, i got him to sign my shirt. hahahahahahah. that soooo made my day =D. dang, going to warped was worth it just for the yellowcard performance and meeting sean.

at the atmosphere performance with jean, these people next to us were smoking weed like there was no tomorrow. and the wind kept on blowing it in my direction. i thought i was gonna puke. gross.

erks...my face is sooo bad. cuz i totally forgot to put on sunblock and i didn't have a hat. all i had were my sunglasses. so my entire face got sunburned plus the back of my neck. icks. my sunglasses tanline is hideous.

hahahahahahhaa...i can't get over meeting sean aaaaand taking a pic with him =D.

i was scooping ice cream at work today, when i heard a song come on the radio that made me just stop what i was doing. what song was it? "ain't no mountain high enough..." i heard that, and i literally froze. i felt like screaming out, "RYLA!!!" awwww...that song took me back to ryla memories. i could picture the band and chorus in the rec hall singing that song and doing their hand motions. and that lead me to remember a very special peformance that night by a girl singing a japanese song. everyone in the audience could tell that she was nervous. so what did all us rylarians do? we cheered louder than ever. we raised the roof in that freaking rec hall.

so there's me, holding an ice cream scooper that's stuck in mid-scoop in a barrel of ice cream, just smiling to myself. i must've looked insane =P. but that memory totally embodied what ryla is. we all support each other so much even if we don't know the other person. i mean, i can't even remember that girl's name but i soooo wanted her to just sing her heart out and be confident. and you could feel that everyone else in that room was rooting for her. in high school, if a person came on stage to sing a song and they were kinda shy about their talent and fumbled a little...everyone would be silent and be like, "oh, she's not that great." but at ryla the second that girl seemed to lose confidence we all erupted and started yelling, cheering, and clapping. it was great =D.

it's stuff like that that makes me miss ryla the most. RYLA is one heck of a place to be. with love and support like that who would want to leave? so in memory of ryla, here's the lyrics to the song that band and chorus sang oh so beautifully =D


Ain't No Mountain High Enough
(Oh)
Listen, baby
Ain't no mountain high
Ain't no valley low
Ain't no river wide enough, baby

If you need me, call me
No matter where you are
No matter how far

(dont worry baby)

Just call my name
I'll be there in a hurry
You don't have to worry

(Chorus)
'Cause baby,
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you, baby

Remember the day
When I'll set you free
I told you
You could always count on me, love

From that day on I made a vow
I'll be there when you want me
Someway,somehow

(Chorus)

Oohh, darlin',
No wind, no rain
Oh, winters cold
Can't stop me baby, (No, no baby)

Cuz you are my love
If your ever in trouble,
I'll be there on the double,
Just sing for me,
Oh baby

My love is alive
Way down in my heart
Although we are miles apart

If you ever need a helping hand
I'll be there on the double
Just as fast as I can (Oooh)

Don't you know that there
Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
Keep me from you

Ain't no mountain high enough (Ain't no mountain...)
Ain't no valley low enough (Valley low...)
Ain't no river wide enough (Or river...)
Keep me from you

(Chorus x4)