i feel like blogging now. if you dont want to read me rant about tennis and school then close this window. so...i went to tennis tryouts yesterday. and even though i sucked (all my fault....i didn't practice this summer) i still had fun. it was great being back with the girls and playing tennis. well i got home and was talking to ash on the phone....and i started questioning whether or not i wanted to do tennis. cuz she was talking about how she wasn't doing polo cuz the coach was INSANE (her words not mine) and the practices were INSANE too (again, her words not mine). but for me, it's different. tennis is just fun. it's not super hard core and intense which is what i love about it. it's a good way to excercise and have fun competition. i mean, i love playing tennis. it's easier for ash to decide to not do water polo, but tennis is just pure fun.....i dont have a crazy coach that makes us practice for 3+ hours.

then ash reminded me that if i do tennis, it's a commitment and i have to stick with it. and knowing me, (which i know very well) i'll stick with it. i know i will. i always keep my commitments. and tennis won't take away from lt.gov cuz that's another commitment that i plan on sticking with. buuuuut, my other non-commitments will suffer. such as: school, SAT II's, college apps, etc. those aren't commitments that i made and no one else depends on me for those. for tennis and DC i'm part of a team and i have to uphold my part of that. but if i join tennis i KNOW that i'll neglect SAT's. and now that college is getting closer and closer it's crunch time. i've been researching colleges and i know my scores are a little shy of getting me into the colleges that i want. i CLEARLY remember that last year i didn't practice my SAT's AT ALL during the school year. i only practiced over the summer, cuz i just didn't have time during the year. and whenever i DID have free time i wanted to RELAX and not do SAT's. and that'll be the same for this year. i'll be burned out from school, interact, and tennis....and what am i gonna do? not study SAT II's....i'm gonna wanna relax.

so after a lot of careful thinking, i decided i wasn'g gonna do tennis, and i knew i would regret it. so if i'm going to regret it, why not just play? well, for all the reasons i stated previously. i only have one year of high school left. and if you look at it this way: i actually only have one semester left of high school to get myself accepted into college. and i'll be spending FOUR years in college so it shouldn't be a big deal to crack down for one semester and get into a college i want....a college i'll be spending four years in. but after i got to thinking about it as, "man i only have one year of high school left," i started to think that i SHOULD do tennis. after all, i only have one year left.....why not play tennis? it's my last chance. my last year of high school.

THEN i got to thinking again (i think too much, i know). i've been playing for two years. i feel like im QUITTING by not joining my senior year. i feel like i should join my third year of tennis. i mean, why not spend my last and final year of high school playing a sport i love. why not spend my last year of high school playing varsity tennis? and why shouldn't i fill my last year of high school with fun tennis memories?

i continued thinking (i really oughta stop doing that), and i looked at it a different way. it's my last year of high school so why kill myself? why should i take on so much extracurriculurs that i SUFFOCATE under the pressure of it all? i don't want to kill myself my senior year, i jsut wanna have fun. BUT tennis is fun. BUT it's also something that takes time, hence more stress. but it's fun. but it causes stress (not the sport itself, just the time it takes up). but it's fun. but it's stress. but it's fun. so i keep on going back and forth and back and forth like freaking ping pong ball.

so....i THOUGHT i had made my decision last night to not join tennis. it all seemed perfectly clear and SIMPLE. i need to improve my scores -->tennis will take away from that -->don't join tennis. but now it seems so far from simple. what a biznatch. i don't want to take on more than i could handle. i BARELY made it last year. what with The Last Unicorn, AP tests, SAT's, school, and interact....i freaking DIED (many times over). the point is...i got by with a 4.0.....but not after suffering a helluva a lot of stress. do i want to go through that again? no, i don't. but do i regret taking all that on? nope, not at all. i had the best time being a part of The Last Unicorn. i knew it was all worth it when we took that first bow after our first peformance and i could hear everyone cheering and clapping. it's the same thing for tennis. it feels great to win a match. i remember last year, i ALMOST beat the mission varsity singles number four player. we had two tiebreakers in the first two sets....both of which she won. but even so, that was the BEST game i ever played. it was so much fun. and i don't wanna give that up.

but by NOT giving it up, i'm taking away from SAT II's. and even though i'm always saying, "screw SAT's. it's all a piece of crap," when i'm so close to applying to colleges i can't take that attitude. THEN i started thinking if i don't do tennis will i REALLY spend more time on SAT's? i seriously doubt it. so after all is said and done it sounds like there's more in favor of JOINING tennis. but, if i don't join i'll EFFING force myself to study for SAT II's. holy mother, i JUST realized LAST NIGHT that i only have ONE MONTH left to study before the october SAT's. and THAT is convincing me more than anything to not join tennis.

JFKLSDFJDKLSJFDKLSJFSDKLFJDSLKFJSDLFKH......WHAT DO I DO!?!??! I need to talk to my sister.

*edit* i'm also continuing my job. but i talked with my boss and if i do tennis i'll only be working two days a week for the next two months. if i DON'T do tennis i think im going to tell her to resume my regular schedule. but even "regular" isn't every day. my boss is hecka tyt and she wants us to keep up our grades and stuff. so if i don't do tennis, i guess i'll fill the time with my job. so it'll be like the same thing whether or not i do tennis right? not really.....cuz i wouldn't be working every day. plus, i need the money more than i need the tennis. haha. *edit*