I need to vent. I’m so mad at myself. GRRRRRRRRRRRR. Taking calculus was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made. I regret taking this class SO much. I don’t think I’ve ever regretted anything more. It’s all bad.

The reason I took calc was cuz I have an easy schedule this year. I thought, “hey, one hard class. I can handle that.” I figured I should challenge myself somewhat. But this ONE challenging class is causing me so much stress. I’m trying to prepare for my SAT II’s, fill out college apps, and keep up in my other classes. I know my other classes are totally easy but it’s not like I can completely ignore them. I told myself I wasn’t going to bitch or moan. I can’t transfer into stats cuz the class is full so I might as well suck it up and try my hardest in calculus. But OH MY GOODNESS it’s just so frusturating. I can’t help but complain cuz im stressing out so much about this class.

I want out of the class because
1) I’m afraid for my first and second semester grades
2) I should not have to suffer so much stress over one class

I know im bitching about a situation I can’t change. It’s past and done right? But I think I need one last raging entry about this. Without calculus I could focus my energies on college apps, which are actually the most important thing right now. I mean, why take a hard class if I’m not even gonna get past filling out my college apps?

I’m so frustrated and angry and annoyed and sad and stressed and pissed and tired and depressed right now. And for all those people saying “it’s only grades. Get over it.” Ok, true. I could just say “screw this class, grades aren’t everything.” But it’s not about that…it’s about actually challenging myself and trying my best. But this “challenge” is taking so much out of me and I’m seriously breaking apart. This “challenge” isn’t what I wanted. My junior year was hard enough…I want time to focus on other things in my life. It’s my last year of high school, and fucking calculus is on my mind all the damn time. I want out of this fucking class.

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH. If only words could manifest what I felt right now. It’s hard to explain. I don’t want to bitch, but at the same time I have so much frustration. I want to suck it up and try my hardest but I also just want something easy in my life for once – something uncomplicated.

I mean, I’m probably feeling particular vengeful right now cuz I just BOMBED my SAT II Math Level IC practice test. That kinda set me off into this rage.

Everything I say is “what if this…..” and “what if that….” What if I had stats…everything would be better. What if I didn’t take calculus. What if I listened to everyone. I should be saying “I’ll do my best.” “I’ll make the best out of this situation.” “I’ll try my hardest.” But for anyone who has ever been feeling a lot of regret, those sorts of positive sayings don’t come easy.

I just spent twenty minutes on the phone talking to Steph about this. I mean, I spend SO much time bitching about my situation. I could take that time and actually DO my hw. So NOW I feel like a fucking retard for not facing this head on and dealing with the situation.

So let’s combine my feeling of regret for taking this class, my frustration for not understanding anything, and my anger at myself for complaining when I could be studying. Put it all together, and you’ll find a very aggravated Stephanie.

Okay, this is my LAST rant about taking calculus over stats. This is my LAST entry where I bitch about my situation. I’m still entitled to curse calculus but I won’t moan and groan about the situation. Time to suck it up and move on.

Damn you calculus. You son of a biznatch. You’re a stupid mofo that has made me miserable. Screw you. Go to hell. I hate you.

Ok, im done…..really.