I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE

I'm done with FINALS
I'm done with FIRST SEMESTER
I'm done with all FINANCIAL AID applications

ah! i'm so giddy about being a second semester senior =D =D =D =D

asian parents have no tact. my mom just flat out called me ugly while we were cleaning up after dinner.

mom: you're growing uglier each day
me: WHAT?!?!
mom: yeah. in junior high you were really cute, but now it seems that you're getting uglier. your sister also.
me: that's so mean!
mom: well it's just like when you say I'm old.
me: well you ARE old. you qualify for the tuesday senior discount at ross. it's the truth.
mom: well you are ugly. it's the truth.
*my jaw drops*
me: what if i committed suicide because you said i was ugly?
mom: (laughs) someone committing suicide because someone else called them ugly? i've never heard of that. you'll be the first.
me: well it's like people who are anorexic. they starve themselves if someone calls them fat.
mom: huh. i dont think so. stop being so self-centered and conceited

(Of course the point I'm trying to make is that if you make degrading comments to a person, it lowers their self-esteem. And with all the pressures in society to look beautiful many people have killed themselves over imperfection. But, naturally, my mom fails to understand my point, and thinks I'm just being overdramatic and oversensitive about my looks.)

mom: (to my dad) look, i think she's mad.
me: im not mad. i don't care what you say about me. it's just not nice.
dad: well you're just at home. it's family. we can say what we want. she was just joking.

I'm thinking: YAH RIGHT. we CANNOT say what we want in this family. if i did that, you'd kick me out.

i can't beleive my mom straight up called me ugly. what kind of mother calls their kid ugly!??!?! i dont care if she DOES think I'm ugly, but it's the nature of the comment. i consider myself a pretty secure teenager, but what if i was this totally insecure person who cared what other people thought about me, was constantly fussing over my looks, and always worrying about my weight? then if my MOTHER called me UGLY, that would totally send me over the top/

i remember when my parents told my sister she was getting fatter. that shocked the HELL out of me and my sister. what kind of parents say that?!!? the people who become anorexic or bulemic are the people who AREN'T fat.

i'm not at all pissed off at what my mom said. i'm just feeling a mix of hilarity and utter shock and revulsion. the situation is so funny, yet at the same time I'm appalled she even made that comment (especially to a teenage girl). don't worry....i'm not gonna become totally sensitive about my appearance now. her comment hasn't dented my self-esteem or self-image at all.

asian parents have this brutal honesty that can be extremely tactless and appalling. i get a kick out of it sometimes.

well i must move my ugly self (hahahahaha) away from the computer so i can study for finals.

i had my northwestern interview in SF today. i walked into the conference room and i saw Carolyn (from DC). what a coincidence. so we talked a bit before our interviews. i got interviewed by a girl alum today. i think it went okay. not as great as my other interviews but not horrible either. i just didn't feel as at ease with her as with my other interviewers. i think part of the reason was that she was a girl. i find it easier to talk to guys and make friends with them. she was nice and all, but i was a lot more comfortable around my other interviewers.

on the way to SF i sat behind a really weird guy. he was scruffy and dirty looking with really huge glasses that magnified his eyes. he might've been a tourist because the whole time he was looking out the window REALLY eagerly. he had his hands perched on the windowsill and his eyes were moving crazy fast all over the place taking in the "view." i noticed that his eyes would move slowly from right to left again and again. i figured out he was looking at telephone pole lines. funky right? whenever there weren't telephone pole lines near the BART train he would go back to scanning the "view." i was looking around me but no one else besides me seemed to notice his odd behavior. oh well, to each his own.

I must return to the drudgery of studying for finals.

i was talking to my sister and she was telling me about the difficulties she was having with the snow in Philly.....

nevesis22: it's really weird....everyone goes to the grocery store before a big snowstorm
22: so when i went, the shelves were all cleared out
22: i was like, where's the milk
LipsOnFire19: HAHAHA
19: are you serious?
19: well, you live, you learn
19: beat the rush next time
22: yeah
22: i'm going to get up at 6
22: and go buy MILK AND BREAD
22: grrrrrrr
22: well, if i can dig my car out
22: i mean, last time i checked i could only see half of it

nevesis22: there's like a foot of snow outside of my door
22: can't go anywhere
22: tried to go to the dumpster an hour ago
22: didn't make it
22: i walked out
22: and i started sinking into the snow
22: and my shoes started to fill
22: and i gave up

hahahahaha.....i had a good laugh at her expense.

sorry for yesterday's depressing entry. but im much better now, and i feel like blogging about the good stuff that happened to me yesterday.

i got pulled out of sixth period yesterday to receive the Bank of America Plaque of Achievement Award. my initial reaction was wtheck is that. In every high school in CA, graduating students who have excelled in specific subject areas get a certificate of achievement. the plaque of achievement is given to four students from each graduating class who had outstanding achievement in one of four areas: liberal arts, fine arts, math/science, and industrial arts. the department heads from each category get together and choose a student. and lucky me i was awarded the plaque of achievement for liberal arts (which includes business, history, english, social science, etc.). isn't that just dandy? =D. xin got the plaque for math/science and bryan perry got the plaque for fine arts.

i filled out this application thing with all my extracurriculurs and the classes that qualify me for the liberal arts award. It gets submitted to a committee that chooses about 320 finalists (out of 3,200 plaque winners) who then compete for scholarships in regional competitions. 1st place gets $2000, 2nd place gets $1500, and 3rd place gets $1000. Finalists who don't place get $500. Man, i could really use that scholarship money. well anyways, that made me happy cuz i never get honored with academic stuff......what with all the xins of the world kicking my ass in all my classes. HAHA.

Second thing that made me happy yesterday was finally getting my costume for guys and dolls. I’m so excited cuz I’m gonna be wearing a BRIGHT PURPLE, STRIPED SUIT with a MAROON hat to match. Isn’t that so HOT? Aaaand I’m not just some random crapshooter. I actually have a name, and it’s Society Max. Sexy huh?

It always amazes me how much homework teachers manage to pile on the week before finals. RAWRG.

so i should've had a really good day today. a lot of cool stuff happened. but my dad just had to go and ruin everything. bastard. i can't wait to get out of this fucking place. ugh, i would go into details but i don't have the energy. i'm just sick of his yelling. it's not like i do anything wrong...he yells at really stupid things. he's such a dumb fuck. i usually just dismiss it as immature behavior, cuz that's what it is. but today i snapped. i got so pissed off. and that made me even more mad cuz i hate letting my dad get to me. it's been a looong time since i let my day be ruined by my dad's retarded presence. dammit, today sucked ass. fucking father. shit.

I have an urge to blog. actually, it's more like an urge to avoid homework. eh, same difference.

so today kevin (the guys and dolls choreographer) taught the crapshooters a new dance. all i can say is that i know my legs will be sore tomorrow.

singing and dancing at the same time is hard. when i start getting really into the dance i forget to sing. and when i start remembering to sing i lose my place in the dance. the rare times that i actually do sing and dance at the same time, i'm totally messing up the pitch and the harmony. effing harmony. i hate harmony. it screws me over. but i'm having fun =D. OH! and one of our dance moves is from the GEICO commercial. HAHA. kevin can be funny.

TINA GOT DISRICT COUNCIL A SKI LODGE FOR FEBRUARY 4-6. I'M SO EXCITED. it's gonna be off the hoooook =D.

finals are in a week and a half. im not remotely worried, nor do i have a planned study schedule. it's nice not to be stressed but my lack of stress kinda scares me. i should be putting a last 100% effort into these finals and end first semester with a bang so that way when i don't work as hard second semester i can still say, "i kicked ass first semester." eh. maybe next weekend.

PLEASE POST A MEMORY IN THE LAST ENTRY IF YOU HAVEN'T DONE SO ALREADY.

they keep me really entertained =D

so.....

POST A MEMORY!

For lack of anything better to blog about.....

Leave a memory of me in my comments. It'll be fun, it can be anything! A thought, a story, etc.

i doubt anything remotely exciting or interesting will happen to me in the next week or so, so keep me entertained and LEAVE A MEMORY

The DC meeting was productive. except for the part when we were taking pictures and carlo wanted everyone to say, "hail laura and stephanie." that was kinda creepy. everyone would've thought we were a dc cult. we could look like one with our matching blue polos though.

eric is so spirited, i love him. he had this area 13 tiki torch with the word "PINK" dangling from it. and he's making capes for the area reps in their color with the area number on the back. that is too cute.

so after the DC meeting it took us about HALF AN HOUR to get from san jose to SAN JOSE. why? because everyone was following rahul, who took us through the san jose airport, on two freeways, and past like six cities. funny times in the car with eric though. "does he KNOW we're in an airport?" "rahul needs to learn that not everything is on highway 85." we got distracted by the pretty rainbow. good for me, bad for eric since he was the driver. "hey look! the rainbow's on my car. it's like we're driving right through it." the three cars following rahul ended up breaking apart from him and following anita instead.

eric: i wonder where rahul is
me: i dunno
eric: do we care?
me: no, not really.

hahahaha. i still love rahul, but freaking A it took us way too long to get to the fallafel (sp?) place. oh man, those fallafels were sooooo good. i should open a falaffel place in fremont. that's my dream now. i was really happy cuz half of DC was at lunch: me, laura, eric, rahul, bjay, carlo, paula, anita, tina, hannah, courtney, avani, and arami. i was teaching people sign language (well only a select few words that i knew.....most of which were cuss words), when rahul told me to stop cuz this old guy was looking over at me. it's hard to notice how loud I'm being sometimes. so i stopped, but the guy keeps on looking at me. and ten minutes later he's STILL looking at me. i think he was still looking at me when i left. maybe he knew sign language. i probably offended him. oops.

area 5 dance got heck of out of control. the cops and paramedics showed up at the end cuz there were hella drunk people. If the drunk people left the dance and got into an accident, then milpitas would've been liable. so the dance ended ten minutes early. two girls were puking in the bathroom, and one couldn't make it to the bathroom and threw up on the dance floor (right in front of laura). during cleanup we discovered two baggies that had goldfish in them. i still can't fathom why you would swallow goldfish whole with alcohol. it doesn't make sense. crazy kids.

i wasn't in a dancing mood, so i talked a lot with bjay. oh and i saw my brother shawn from ryla. first i see him at waterworld on the senior class picnic, then i see him at the dance. i'm just bumping into him everywhere. it was hecka good to see him again. i found out he's the livermore interact co-president. very cool.

i must finish my homework cuz i have to freaking work tonight. GR.

ah! the ALIAS season premiere was so freaking good. i was GLUED to my television. when it was nine o'clock i was ready to watch it with a cup of hot tea and a warm blanket =D. vaughn looks so hot with glasses......yes, even though it's been more than half a year since i've watched alias i still think michael vartan is hot. im a faithful admirer =D.

i felt so happy after the show was over. like, i was in a really good mood and all. see......television isn't such a bad thing after all.

i was soooooo exhausted in social justice today. it was one of those times where i could NOT keep my eyes open. my eyelids felt SO heavy. my eyeball was like rolling all over the room in an attempt to keep my eyes open. it didn't work. i was nodding off for half the class period, and at one point i almost fell asleep.....but david nudged my elbow and that totally scared the crap out of me - i jumped in my seat. it was a good thing though. cuz after that i was so awake. but it was also a bad thing cuz i was hecka smiling while perlman was talking about the holocaust.

i'm feeling kinda estatic right now cuz CALCULUS AB IS OFFICIALLY OVER. hahahahahahahahahahaha. NO MORE NEW MATERIAL. IN YOUR FACE CALCULUS. from here on out it's just review. HOLLA BACK YOUNGIN'! WOOT WOOT!

ugh.....my dad just asked me to help him with some dinner. so i'm frying this stuff, but i'm not frying it very well. and he freaking blows his top. he's literally yelling in my face. and he's repeating the same stuff over and over again. im thinking, "Just cuz you're saying something louder and closer to my face does not mean it'll help me fry this piece of shit better." what a fucking retard.

but i've learned not to let my dad get to me. why? because he yells at the stupidest shit. im sure if he yelled at me about something that i cared about and it actually hurt my feelings, THEN i'd feel all bad. now, i just feel bad for him. *sigh.*

my sleep cycle is so out of whack because of christmas break. yesterday at 6pm i was soooo exhausted. it took all i had to keep from collapsing asleep on my calculus book. then at 12am i was WIDE awake and reading stupid stuff in my friends' profiles that made me bust out laughing. stuff like this:

I'm not a boy not yet a man...but in 3 days i will be...a man that is....well obviously because a boy would not make sense....unless your saying im immature....so then mentally i would be a boy....but physically a man...but then again im short....but then again this whole damn paragraph makes me seem immature....and this color is a little kiddy too....and you're still reading this....what does that say about you?.....maybe your interested in my life....maybe your bored...maybe you like me....(408)###-####....im done

and while im laughing im wondering to myself, "what the hell am i doing right now? i should be sleeping." and now that i read that excerpt from my friend's profile im not laughing hysterically. it's still funny, but i was laughing like a freaking hyena last night. wtheck is wrong with me.

winter break has been extremely fun. i've never hated returning to school more. i usually relax during winter break but it's never really FUN. but this break has been fun-packed. in fact, i've had a SOCIAL LIFE. shocker. i know. i've forgotten what studying is like. hahaha.

i've put up 11 new things on my wall. my mom almost died when she saw it. she hates my room. it's ok though. cuz i love it. i love how the walls are crowded, and i love how it makes my room seem cluttered. my walls have PERSONALITY.

everyone's been reflecting on the past year. but i can't find it in me to type coherent thoughts right now. i guess mumbled thoughts about the past year will have to do.

the interact cruise was fun. ryla was mind-boggling - it changed my life and i've made so many good friends. becoming lt.gov was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. my sister moved to philly. that was sad. my grandma moved back to china. that was sad too. i'm glad i participated in the wheelchair foundation - it makes me happy that i donated a wheelchair to someone and possibly changed his life. i got a cell phone. now i can't live without it. the last unicorn was a fun play. i made it through junior year, and surprisingly with a 4.0. the reconciliation thing at irvington was good. haven't been to something like that in years. making the guys and dolls play was good stuff. (if this post gets deleted now, i'll cry. i should save this on word).

new paragraph of incoherent thoughts: i've made a lot of new friends that i've become really close to in a short amount of time. i've also become closer with my old friends. DC has been freaking awesome. I have to go back to ryla and how much it’s affected me. I talk about it too much. I know. Deal with it. I must post a conversation i had with rahul about ryla/dc people.....

daislandman69: u kno wut i noticed
LipsOnFire19: im a really cool person =D
daislandman69: yea
daislandman69: i noticed that a long time ago
LipsOnFire19: aw =D
daislandman69: but also that like the people from RYLA that i hang out with now i didnt even really meet there
daislandman69: and like i dont know
daislandman69: all u guys are soo different then alot of other kids ive met
LipsOnFire19: how so?
daislandman69: i dont know like everyone at the sleepover and also on DC
daislandman69: is so open minded and like not judgemental
daislandman69: its kinda nice
LipsOnFire19: yeah i know. i really like it.
LipsOnFire19: like i've only you since august.....and if you were someone i'd just met in school i probably wouldn't have a sleepover with that person
daislandman69: yeah sorry kinda random but just talkin to DC people online even makes me realize how special yall are

(tangent: awwww....isn't that so sweet. i love rahul)

LipsOnFire19: dude...like everything you're saying is what i've been thinking recently
daislandman69: yedah
daislandman69: haha
daislandman69: yeah i was thinkin that lookin at pictures
daislandman69: and like i mean im the type of person that can tell if someone is genuine or not like in the first 5 minutes of meeting them
daislandman69: and like when i met everoyne thats the impression i got right away
LipsOnFire19: michelle and i were commenting on how we're all hecka comfortable around each other. we were all playing twister, telling ghost stories, sharing blankets and all that.....if i did all that with other people, people would be like "omg...what a flirt." but we dont really give it a second glance around each other.
LipsOnFire19: it's a nice feeling
daislandman69: yeah i know its like family
daislandman69: but yea im def lookin forward to the ski trip

so i doubt anyone read that. I generally skip over aim convos posted on blogs/xangas/ljs. Hahaha.

so back to my stroll down 2004 memory lane......I don’t think I’ve had any regrets. There’s some stuff I look back on and think, “dang I was such a dumbass – why the hell did I do that?” but I don’t really regret that stuff. I’m sure if I could go back and redo that moment I’d do it differently, but it’s not anything I brood on. It happened, it’s done, it’s over, I can move on. Like quitting tennis. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. But I made my decision and I’ve never looked back. I’m sure if I sat down and thought about that decision over and over again I’d throw myself off of my porch or something. But hard decisions like that are things that you can’t look back on. If it’s something that you’ve thought about long and hard (and for me, prayed about long and hard) then it’s the right thing. Because I quit tennis I was able to dedicate more time to planning the FLC. I’m sure if I had tennis the FLC would’ve turned out a lot crappier. HAHA.

But yeah, regrets can eat you up, and I’ve learned not to happen. This is the cheesiest line in the world but I have to say it: things happen for a reason. I said it – so sue me.

I don’t do new year’s resolutions because I’m too cool like that =P. however this year I have ONE resolution…..to get my damn license.

Alias season premiere on Wednesday. SWEET. I can’t wait. I must work ahead in my homework so that I have two free hours on Wednesday to watch it.

Have fun in 2005 everyone. And to all the seniors: live it up….it’s your senior year. It’s your last freaking year in high school so make the most of it.