hotel rwanda was such a good movie. it reminded me of schindler's list.

i can be such a hypocrite sometimes. i hate people who flake on me last minute, but then i turn around and do the same thing to my friend. wow, i'm a jerk. i'm going to make myself a promise right now to not ditch plans with my friends ever again (unless it's a really good reason).

i discovered saturday night that i have the world's smallest bladder. in the period of four hours i went pee like ten times, without eating or drinking anything. what's wrong with me.

field trip yesterday to see the Choosing to Participate exhibit in the SF Main Library. wow....some teenagers are so freaking talented. their artwork was amazing (including michelle's). then we headed over to eat lunch at Yurba Buena Park, where I had a major deja vu from prom night sophomore year. Aurora noticed that a lot of the pigeons were missing talons. it was really freaky. they all had claws, but some of them only had one talon on a foot instead of three. creepy. i wonder how they fell off. we took pictures climbing trees (me and jo) and rolling down tiny hills which were more like lumps on the grass (sandeep and kelsey).

mr.perlman's son is pretty cute. he's 23.

michelle and i have an obsession with "would you hit that."

tonight was our "first peformance" for guys and dolls. it wasn't a full peformance of the play. it was just the number "Rockin the Boat." Dr.Mirigian (Centerville Junior High principal) is being honored for his work in the community. the banquet was held tonight at the Golden Peacock, and they asked our cast to perform. We were all spiffed up in our costumes and even though it wasn't a big performance we were all jittery and excited. Ah, i love the feeling of being on stage. it's so great. i was all pimped out in my purple suit =D. the pants were scratchy though.

MARK KENNEDY IS SO FREAKING AWESOME. why? because he made the token of friendship i gave him into a NECKLACE. that's right. everyone is so freaking jealous. when i break my binder again he can make it into a bracelet =D.

I think the fact that I took both these tests makes me a complete loser and nerd. hah.

I went to Elegant Affaire for the fourth and final time last night. Jean and I went crazy behind the coat check counter. we told lame jokes, did crazy dances, and fixed flashing roses (we're so handy). duc had to keep me in line that evening. the coffee made me really perky. yuuuum.....coffee. ah, i have a story about my coffee experience with jean. so the lady in charge of the event gave us permission to have coffee, so while jean and i were behind the table making our coffee some bitchy lady comes by.....

lady: what are you guys doing back here?
me and jean: getting coffee
lady: well, i'm working back here and you're not supposed to be back here. we're not serving coffee yet. if you get coffee then that'll make all the rest of the coffee colder and they (motions to the guests at the tables) wont' appreciate it.
(In my hand I was holding the thermos containing the milk. I unscrewed the top because jean and I couldn't figure out how to pour it).
lady: and put the lid back on the milk. it works fine with the lid. now get your coffee and get out.

In my head im thinking, "how the hell is the coffee going to get colder? the coffee is in an insulating container that keeps it warm. we press a tab that dispenses the coffee. so OUR coffee gets cold, but the coffee inside doesn't." shieeeeeet. she was heck of snapping at us. i understand if she doesn't want us to get coffee, but she could've been nicer about it. she didn't have to say "get your coffee and get out." she had such a superiority complex also. grrrr. i passionately dislike people who think they're better than others and talk down to them.

at around 10, Mark and Paula came by. then Patrick and Terry met up with us. we stayed in the freezing parking lot trying to figure out where to go. we dropped jean off then headed over to tapioca to play cards. I had a nice conversation with jean in the car. we don't talk nearly enough. i love that girl.

i won twice in Big 2 =D. it was fun watching mark trying to play. it was more like mark holding his hand of cards and terry putting them down for him. HAHA. after Mark and Paula left....terry, patrick and I just chilled in the backseat of terry's car. (don't even start with me and fogged cars jp.....)

ah, seven hours of work today. i shouldn't complain though......i haven't worked since january. later all.

This is why i love acting.....

so, i had a really crappy morning. i've been taking calculus quizzes EVERY day for the past week and a half, and it gets to a point where i just dont care anymore. i'm tired of doing badly on the quizzes over and over again. then when i got to english, i got back my Novel Q's, only to discover that i was docked 12 points. and then arnold passed back the essays which everyone did miserably on (myself included). i don't think i've ever disliked a teacher like i dislike her. i've always liked my teachers (or at least tolerated them in the case of mr.wharton). but oh my goodness, mrs.arnold is too much. she insults the class every day. "you guys are whisper retarded." "the writing was so horrible." "can't you read with some more emotion?" "you're seniors...why don't you act your age." yuck, gag me. and she TOLD us once that being an english teacher was a tedious job. i mean, what a way to get your class excited about english......by telling them you hate your job. great.

so my morning was just shot to hell. i mean, i realize im a second semester senior, and i don't need to kill myself over my grades. i'm ok with getting B's. but calculus is something i actually want to understand. i put effort into that class and i want to pass the AP test.

well by the time i got to drama i didn't feel like doing anything. (i told ballin yesterday that i would go first on stage so that he could work on my monologue with me in front of the class). i'm doing helena's monologue from A Midsummer's Night Dream, and in the monologue she's pissed as hell. she thinks that demetrius, lysander, and hermia are all conspiring against her. she thinks that they're all mocking her. i was really reluctant to act at first because all i wanted to do was sleep. but once i got up there and ballin started working with me, i got this rush of adrenaline and i just let out all my anger and frusturation through my character. it was so freaking awesome. i totally became Helena and i manifested her feelnigs. when i got off stage i felt great =D.

what would i do without theater?

DC meeting saturday was very upsetting. it didnt' go at all the way i wanted it too. we didn't get anywhere, and by the end i felt like stabbing my eyes out. afterwards, jp and i tried to get to quiznos but we ended up in the SJ airport (HAHA). so we gave up and went home. plus, i didn't really feel like being around anyone. i was hit with a MASSIVE stomach ache on the way home. it was a combination of no hunger and frusturation. i kept on talking about lactic acid and fermentation. no idea what that was about. i looked SO pathetic.....all sprawled out in her car. i had to literally drag myself out, and i practically crawled from the car to my front door. thanks for the talk in the car jp. it heled. love you =D.

so yeah, the meeting made me really frusturated. i think this was the first time i was actually disappointed with my leadership skills at Lt.Governor. ah, it's more complicated but i don't really feel like blogging about all my feelings and stuff. so anyways, i've decided that i'll just throw myself in headfirst into these problems and take care of things. i feel motivated now.

bowl-a-thon today was awesome. alan and i decorated a whole freaking room for nothing. it ended up being only used for storage. it's okay, according to alan it shows our dedication. hahaha. well, i just wantd to give a huge CONGRATULATIONS to michelle and willis for pulling this event togehter. it was great. im so proud of you guys =D.

fun stuff singing disney songs in the car with jp. we sang "a whole new world" at the top of our lungs to willis in the parking lot outside of albertsons. hahaha.

we played would you hit that. yes, again. eric and rahul started it. i can't forget this...

Laura: i would hit you rahul.....many times.

hahahahaha

eric gave me the name crystal chandelier. some of my friends were cletus, jebediah, and cookie.

im not as sucky at bowling as i thought i was. i hit 110. sweet.

i've seen JP literally every day this month. every day at school and weekends too.

the new Polio bracelets are HECK of cool. they're lime green with the word "LIFE" on it. and they're youth sizes so it actually fits.

shower time. later all.

i've developed a sudden urge to run. it's crazy. ever since track season has started all i can think about is running....and im not even on the track team. i heck of wish i could join track......dang play. don't get me wrong i'm excited about guys and dolls, i just wish i could join track also.

i haven't actually had real, constant exercise for a year and a half. i know, it's bad. it's cuz i didn't join tennis last year, so the last time i was really pushed to work out was tennis season junior year. and that was eons ago.

i feel like such a fatass. now before all you freaking-out-type-people start freaking out, let me clarify that i don't think im fat. in fact, my legs are very chopstick-ish. (translation: they're too skinny and need to beef up). i get beyond annoyed when heck of pretty and heck of skinny girls (like ester) say they're fat. see, ester is really hott (with a double t), AND she has a nice body.......YET she's always talking about how fat she is and how she needs to lose weight. (i don't know how often ester reads my blog.......so ester if you're reading this entry don't kill me. i love you with all my heart. i just think you're heck of skinny and you need to stop saying you're not). so anyways, back to my point. i'm not a hypocrite.

i don't feel like running to lose weight. i feel like running because i haven't exercised for AGES, and running makes me feel good. yes, it does. i think that really hit me when i was running from the gate back to the cabin (during the ski trip) with rahul. even though that run was like one foot (well, a little longer than that, but it wasn't very far), i felt really good. that might partly be because we were in the mountains, there was all this snow around, and all these pretty green trees lining the road.......the scenery made it a really refreshing morning run. so during the run i got this total adrenaline rush and i felt as if i could run forever (although in reality i probably would've copped out after a mile and a half).

i've temporarily forgotten the point of this entry.

ah yes........i feel like a lazy fatass. and running makes me feel good about MYSELF. i mean it'd be nice if i could get in shape and all, but that isn't the point (nor is losing weight). i need to be fit. i need to exercise. i should've died about six months ago from lack of exercise.

conclusion: i should run. why? because i feel good after running. why? cuz running releases endorphines. damn, gotta love those endorphines. running is such a good release of energy. and Lord knows, i have a lot of pent up energy. i think that's the reason why my leg shakes a lot while i'm just sitting. it's because i can't sit still. I have this energy that im being forced to release through leg-shaking. that just doesn't cut it. ahhhhh...precious endorphines, how i long for thee.

so why don't i just put on some exercise clothes and go running? CUZ I DON'T HAVE AN EFFING CAR (nor do i drive, but even if i did drive i still wouldn't have a car. so in the end the problem is that i don't have a car). i mean, i could run around my block and the centerville community park, but let's face it.....that's lame as hell. or i could run around the centerville junior high track. but oh wait, that's even lamer. i don't wanna run in effing circles. i want to run around the lake. i want scenery. i want to be around other people that are running. i used to play tennis at the centerville community park, and i've often wondered why there were people running around this tiny baseball field. it puzzled me. i questioned their sanity. j/k, i didn't do that last part.

well i suppose if i'm that desperate to run, i should be able to do it anywhere. well, i'll see if can run at lake elizabeth this weekend. and if i can't, i'll see how long i last before i kill myself (with a saucepan) for not being able to run. and then i'll run around my neighborhood.

ok, i think i've wasted a sufficient amount of time with this entry.

DC/Interact (plus Brian who's a key clubber but might as well join Interact) ski trip was off the hook. thanks TERICA for planning this AWESOME weekend.

friday i was literally bouncing off the walls. excessive hyperness, and i have no idea why. so we left the doubletree aruond 5ish, with tina as my car buddy. we're destined to be travelling buddies, ever since ryla. PEDRO! we stopped in manteca (or was it oakdale?) for dinner. bjay called me a fatass just cuz i tipped the booth when i sat down. he doesn't know what he's saying, it was a crappy, cheap-ass booth. then we went gallavanting around the humungous dollar tree store

after that we went down this two lane road that was SO creepy looking. abandoned sheds, bare trees, scary looking fences......all very resemblant of the texas chainsaw massacre.

when we got to larry's cabin, we went on a night hike. brian's usually soothing voice was frigging SCARY in the dark. "does everyone see that little girl?" there was a point where we ran like crazy......just like the movies. if we brought a camera it could've became another blair witch project.

that night we played mafia and a rather revealing game of psychiatrist.

next day we headed to the slopes. the drive there was really nice. i felt really content just sitting in eric's car listening to goo goo dolls and looking at the view. i usually fill silence by talking cuz i dont like things all weird and quiet. but that drive was just really calm and soothing. i need to marry a goo goo doll or something. they rock.

everyone went snowboarding except me and eric. GO SKIIERS! i spent like 20 minutes stuck on the hill with eric trying to put my skis on when they fell off. but after that i had good runs. i'm a freaking speed demon. according to brian and jing, "you go really fast but at least you look good doing it." at first the only way i could slow myself down was by falling. brian: "you looked really good......until you fell." but i got the hang of it eventually and that made me happy =D. downside of the day: tae got injured (poor guy), and i threw up over the edge of the second story balcony. in my defense, the puke came out in a graceful arch. HAHA.

after that everyone went discing except eric, brian, me, and anita. my bladder was being stretched beyond its limits so i was forced to pee behind a bush. that was the effing hardest thing i've ever had to do. shiieeet, my legs were heck of sore. the whole time i remember thinking, "i hope i'm not mooning anyone." ah, i wish i was a guy then......it would've made things easier. anita and i went discing down the hill once (heck of fun stuff), and returned to eric's car to find the windows all fogged up and eric and brian reclined in their seats. hmmmm...what does that tell you. hahahaha.

after we got back to the cabin, brian and i stayed in eric's car and talked......why does that always happen? haha....well, what can i say, he's a good friend to talk to. i realized that i didnt' have my hat cuz some effing mofo at dodge ridge stole it. that night after brian, eric, and tae left, everyone was dead and we ended up sleeping fairly early.

next day when we left the cabin i realized i didn't know where my eye glasses were. so everyone had to turn around and go back. (sorry guys!). we couldn't get in the gate so rahul and i ran in. i thought i was gonna die since i never run, but it actually felt really refreshing. we ended up being picked up by nick halfway. i couldn't find my glasses in the cabin, they weren't in my backpack, and when i got home i discovered them at the bottom of my duffel bag. go figure.

on the ride home anita and i went a little insane and started laughing at everything. back in fremont, jp and i were waiting for her mom to pick us up in front of starbucks. i think we looked like runaway, homeless girls cuz i was lying on my trashbag (with my sleeping bag and pillow inside) and jp was lying on a st.vincent's (thrift store) bag. HAHA.

i'm not too sore, but my tailbone kinda hurts cuz when i fell my ski made contact with my butt......with a lot of force.

i acquired two new words/phrases:
SHIIEET (after skiing with eric for the morning i picked up on his language. ah....someone needs to stop me.)
COUNT IT! (ah, rahul and soo-young make me laugh)

i had such a great time laughing, talking, and bonding with all ya guys. i must continue stealing jp's pictures....

oh my lord, the crapshooters dance numbers that we performed today were so extremely horrible. i think that was the ugliest performance ever. first off, the cd kept jumping like effing crazy. so we'd be dancing and all of a sudden it would skip a portion and we'd get so lost in the dance. and when we transitioned from the scene to the song and dance, it was absolute mayhem. the scene was blocked by ballin and the dance was choreographed by kevin, and they both put everyone in totally different places. omg, it was so bad. we were lost as hell.

yesterday we ran through Act I and during the scene were sky and sarah kiss, everyone was cheering and catcalling. SO HILARIOUS. megan and scott were saying that there would be kids in the audience saying, "oooh, mommy they kissed." now we know that it wont be the kids in the audience cheering.....it'll be the freaking cast. hahahaha.

ah, im so lazy. im blogging and aiming when i should be homeworking. LATER.

RANT....

grawrg. what's wrong with my dad. so today when i got home from rehearsal i went to get a snack cuz i was effing starving. there were two almost-empty bags of chips. i grab one and pour out its contents.

dad: finish the other one too
me: i'll eat it tomorrow
dad: eat it now cuz there's not much left.
me: i dont like eating a lot of chips. i was gonna have some cookies with this
dad: *humph-ing sound* i know you don't like these chips but you have to eat it anyways
me: no...i like them. they're doritos. i had them last week also.
dad: then why can't you eat them now HUH!?
me: cuz im already eating these chips and i dont like eating a lot of chips
dad: i know how you think. you never eat the chips when it gets to the bottom of the bag.
me: whaaaat?
dad: don't argue with me
me: i'm not.....i said i'll eat the chips tomorrow
dad: that's only because i told you too. if i didn't tell you to eat them you would never eat them
me: i'm eating one bag of leftover chips today aren't i? i usually dont eat chips that much anyways. i only eat them once a week or so.
dad: i told you not to argue with me! i already know what you're thinking! dont' forget to eat the chips tomorrow.
me: i won't
*dad turns around to the sink*
me: fuck you

i dont think he heard me say that last line, which is good. i dont know what he'd do if he did hear that. throw me out of the house i suppose.

i seriously do not understand if he has some sort of mental condition or if he's just flat out dumb. i have no clue why he got mad. usually i can understand if i incite him (which i do sometimes for the fun of it. it's amusing to see his eyes get all bug-eyed and his voice get hella high-pitched), but this time i cannot FATHOM why he got mad. he wanted me to eat the leftover chips which i have NO problem doing. in fact i was doing it that second. i planned on having the other bag tomorrow. and then he gets mad that i dont like doritos....which is totally untrue cuz i do like them. then he gets mad cuz he thinks that all i do is eat chips then leave the leftover crumbs for him. first off i always eat the crumbs if they're there and second of all i only ate from the dorito bag ONCE. and according to him im being all selfish and greedy and not eating the crumbs after "devouring" the bag of doritos he claims that i dont like.

i swear he has fucking problems. something's wrong with him.

my dad’s always done stupid stuff. but this year it just pisses me off more often. i think it's cuz i feel so effing suffocated in this house with him in it. i'm about to go to college and im sick of putting up with his crap. It’s time for me to get the hell out of here.

I hate letting my dad get to me cuz I hate being mad. It’s such an icky feeling. And plus I don’t even get mad easily. It takes a lot for someone or something to make me mad. It’s just all the stuff my dad has done keeps on snowballing. So when I get mad I’m not much fun to be around. And I feel all shitty that my friends have to talk to a bitchy person who’s bitter at her dad. Argh, I hate it.

And NOW my dad’s trying to talk to me like it never happened cuz in his eyes it never did happened. He doesn’t see anything wrong with what he said. So after he gets all mad and yells at me he goes about his day like there was no conflict while I’m fuming in front of the computer.

I’m going to do my homework now.