It's 12am, I have to wake up by 9am tomorrow, and I decide to be reflective now. Oh well. I'm taking the plunge...

Undoubtedly, I've grown a lot since my freshman year (and I'm not talking vertically in terms of my height. haha). But there's also a lot of ways that I haven't grown....ways that have become apparent to me in the last few days. For the past three or four days I've been feeling kind of stressed. Yeah, stressed. Wtheck it's summer right? Well let me elaborate...

I don't get mad easily and I don't like being mad either. (Yes, I'm getting somewhere with this point). The few times that I do get upset, angry, or annoyed I never tell the person. I rarely even admit to myself when I'm mad. It's funny because the only way I know I'm mad is when I don't fall asleep easily at night. I stay awake thinking about the person/thing that I'm supposedly not mad or annoyed at. Yes, I'm a strange child; I realized that a few years back. Back to my point....Not getting mad easily is usually a good thing. I don't let things get to me and henceforth avoid the reputation for being a drama queen. I brush things off and move on with my life. I hate doting on useless matters. Well the reason I say that it is "usually a good thing" is because sometimes it's a hindrance. I keep things bottled up inside. Rarely....VERY rarely will a person seriously piss me off. But anytime I feel a little annoyed or a little upset I just keep it to myself. And everything just builds and builds. I haven't cracked yet....as in completely explode and take out my anger on one person. I've always just forgotten it, brushed it off, and moved on with my life. But then I find myself in this position.....feeling angsty and stressed. Not seriously stressed to the point where I want to jump out the window in front of a passing truck. But just....unsettled. Yes, unsettled; that's a good way to describe my feelings right now.

I am currently annoyed/upset with someone (hence the reason for the stress), and they probably have no clue at all. I know I'm more annoyed/upset with them than I ought to be, but that's what happens when you bottle up anger. You end up making a big deal out of things that actually hold no weight at all. I'm blaming this person for causing me pain/hurt even though what I'm blaming them for isn't their fault. Little things that person does upsets me more than it should. They are small annoyances, and I'm making it out to be more than it is. Why? Because I need an outlet for my anger, and I've found it in this person.

I seriously feel like yelling at this person....screaming at them.....demanding why they must do what they do and make me upset. But will I ever confront this person? Nah. I don't like creating drama. I don't like being mad. I don't like other people being mad at me. I don't like worrying whether or not I should've kept my mouth shut.

I don't like myself when I'm mad, and I suppose that's the main reason why no one ever knows when I'm seriously upset with someone. I'm never angry....anger is if someone took all my Harry Potter books and ripped them to shreds. Then I'd be raving; I'd be on a warpath. Being upset with someone is more like disappointment, annoyance, and a hint of confusion because I don't know what I did wrong. I also don't like myself when I don't express my feelings either. So you see, I can't exactly find that balance yet. Sometimes I wish the world would know what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. It's really not fun having so much anger inside you.

And now I'm about to get into stuff I don't want everyone to read, so I shall switch over to a protected post on my xanga. I knew that xanga had to come in handy sometime or another.

So to close off this entry....

I was feeling quite upset today. I literally felt like I had hot water bubbling inside my chest. Crazy huh? So to take my mind off of matters I entered an online forum/debate about salvation and read the Bible for about an hour and a half....then I watched the trailer for the fourth Harry Potter movie about twenty times. I am now informed on the general viewpoints of whether or not salvation can be lost (and am in the process of forming my own opinion), and I have also completely memorized the trailer for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

The fourth movie comes out November 18th, the day before my birthday. I plan on watching the midnight showing. I'm a diehard fan. My cousins and I talked about Harry Potter the entire time at dinner last night. We've all memorized bits and parts of the books. And we all have theories as to what will happen in the seventh book. And we discussed the titles of all the books. And we all memorized spells and said them while using our chopsticks as wands. And we're not proud that we're Muggles. Yes, we are Harry Potter freaks =D.

I have coordination problems. I keep on dropping my cell phone. My poor phone. It's so beat up. Even the Rotary symbol got scratched up =(

I still have a lot of anger I need to work out. When I started this entry I had a point about my growth or lack thereof and I don't think I rounded that point off very nicely. Well to cut to the point because Patrick will be here any second to drop off Jean's Nintendo 64, expressing my feelings is one area in which I have failed to grow during high school. I should work on it, blah blah blah. I've exhaused this subject.

I need to blog some stuff in my Xanga now.

It's July 23rd today, and I leave in exactly one month for Haverford. Eeek. The idea is both exciting and scary. I really can't wait for college because I know it's going to be such a great experience. I feel as giddy as a kindergardner on the first day of school =D. I'm excited for my classes, for meeting new people, and for living on my own. But, at the same time I can wait because I'm going to miss California, my friends and family, and the comforts of my own home. And I know I'm going to miss a very special someone like freaking crazy.

On another note, I need a DC+2 fix. I miss you guys =(

I'm listening to Audioslave right now. Their music is very unique. I like it.

In the beginning of summer I went out alllll the time and came home at odd hours of the night. And of course, my mom complained that I went out too much (which was true). After the first couple weeks though, I stopped going out as much....yet the few times that I did go out, my mom STILL complained that I went out too much. So I figure I might as well go out all the time if my mom's going to nag regardless if I go out one night a week or six nights a week. Besides, I only have a month left in CA. So to all my friends: please call/im/comment me anytime if you want to hang out! I'm down for anything (w/in reason because I know Michelle might say something like "let's go rape people." haha. but knowing me I just might say yes.) =D.

Wow. One month. Time flies doesn't it?

Patrick took me to BJ's last night to eat a pizookie. Wow, those things are big. But they are oh so good =D.

I played Supersmash brothers with Patrick, his brother, and his sister. Being Kirby is fun. I've realized that I find too much humor in eating people. And Patrick finds humor in kicking "fat" people. (Notice I put fat in quotes because I am not calling anyone fat....unlike some people. ahem).

These past two days I've been customizing my laptop, moving files, burning/ripping CD's, and hopping onto random, unlocked wireless networks. SARMAD, I WANT TO GET ONTO YOURS!!!!!

Oh, yesterday I redecorated my walls. I'm very pleased with the way they look now =D.

I have work today, tomorrow, and the day after. AHHHHHHHH. OHMYGOODNESS. IAMSOSICKOFWORKING. ICAN'TWAITUNTILIQUIT. IWANTTOJUMPOUTOFAWINDOW. It's not like my job hasn't been good....it has. I have flexible hours, I like the people I work with, and my boss is nice, albeit stingy sometimes (but then again she is asian so I can't blame her). I've just been there for over a year, and I'm reallllllly tired of it. THREE WEEKS TO QUITTIN TIME! Yeah, I'm way too excited about that.

Now I am going to go listen to all the "new" CD's I have =D.

I LOVE MARK KENNEDY LIKE NO OTHER!!!!!

Since I've been home from work (10pm) I've been going CRAZY because I don't have the sixth harry potter book to read. And when I say crazy I mean INSANE. Literally. I didn't know what to do with myself. All I could think about was HARRY POTTER. And Mark, seeing me in such a state, brought me the book at 11:45 pm. WHAT A FREAKING SWEETHEART.

THANK YOU SO MUCH MARK. I really really really really really did NOT want to inconvenience you, so THANKS A MILLION for coming out so late and brining an insane, HP-deprived girl her medicine. You really are some friend =D.

And now I must read until my eyes fall out. Fun!

Hi, my name is Stephanie, and I have a problem. I'm addicted to Mario Kart. Mad addicted. I also suck at the game, but that doesn't stop me.

Last Sunday me, Eric, Michelle, JP, and Bjay went to Sophia's house at midnight just to play Mario Kart. Then two nights ago me, Jenny, Steven, and Audrey called up everyone in our phone books and went to Wal-Mart at 11pm just to find Mario Kart. It was like our own version of Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. We couldn't end the night w/o playing Mario Kart. Finally, Jenny got it from her friend who she hasn't talked to in a year or so. hahahaha. Apparently, Walmart doesn't carry Nintendo 64 games. GRRR. Oh and if you want to go shopping at Wal-Mart, don't go at 11pm....the place is freaking packed.

TAMAGOTCHIS ARE COMING BACK. I still have my old one, but I need a new battery for it. I think I'll go to the store today to buy a battery.

Habitat for Humanity was tiring. It wasn't what you would call fun, but it was good. Next time, I actually want to work on the house instead of in the yard digging holes and moving crap. I've never moved more crap in my life.

Carlo and I have a secret handshake. Why? Because we're cool.

I got a letter from my future roommate at Haverford. That made me really excited =D. She's from Minnesota.

I BOUGHT MY LAPTOP FROM DELL LAST NIGHT. IT'S AN INSPIRON 6000. THANK YOU SO MUCH SARMAD SIDDIQUI FOR HELPING ME WITH EVERYTHING. If it wasn't for Sarmad I would've gotten the ugliest, crappiest, small bang for my buck laptop. YOU ROCK MY BELTS. (Usually I would say "You rock my socks," but since it's summer I don't wear socks anymore. Plus, my socks are just white. Nothing special about them. On the other hand, I have an assortment of really snazzy belts).

I went to the dentist today =D. I like going to the dentist, but today she told me I have three really tiny cavities. WHAT THE EFFING HECK. I take such good care of my teeth....I don't drink soda, I don't eat sweets, I brush two times a day for at least three minutes, and I floss. This is crap. I'm getting them filled in August.

This entry was long. Looking over it, I see that it was just a jumble of random thoughts. I have to do my loans now. Die.

If loans could be transmuted into a human form, I would throw rocks at it. Oh, and tanbark too. And I would gouge out its eyes and throw into my food processor.

I like Sarmad's new laptop. Sarmad's mom is nice. She gives me orange juice. Sarmad is also nice for letting me always come over to his house and use his computer(s) and printer.

Side note: I know AP scores don't help you IN college; they just help you get INTO college. So, really, my bad scores have no bearing on my future. But, I'm disappointed in myself for not trying harder because I definitely could've done better. But I didn't. I slacked off and got distracted second semester. Boys are trouble. But they are fun trouble. In college, I will be a hermit....which shouldn't be hard because I'm attending a nerd school.

Building houses for Habitat for Humanity tomorrow. I'm excited to do community service =D.

Fuck AP Scores. Go to hell.

I was at Nick's house a couple of nights ago, and Lu taught me some wrestling moves. I took Patrick down. Yeah, I'm good =D. Wrestling is fun, and I want to practice some more. Lu also taught me how to jab properly. I'm not satisfied though. I want to learn how to throw more damaging punches. I think I enjoy violent activities too much.

ROAR. effing A. I got my Haverford housing assignment yesterday, and I got assigned to an apartment when I asked for a single dorm. So I called today to see if I could be switched and apparently all dorm spots are taken...so some freshman (AHEM..ME) who asked for dorms are getting apartments. GRRR. I would've understood if I had received a double instead of a single, but now I have a double in a freaking apartment. An apartment sounds cool and all, but there were a lot of reasons why I wanted a dorm and not an apartment:

- My own living space
- I don't have to clean the bathrooms
- In an apartment my room, the living room, the kitchen, and the bathroom all have to be maintained.
- The apartments are on campus, but they're removed from the center activity
- Apartments are a longer walk to classes and stuff
- Apartments are more costly (not by hundreds of thousands of dollars), but it's the little costs that add up...such as having to buy things to furnish the apartment, buying toilet paper (which is provided in dorm bathrooms), etc.
- I wanted the whole dorm experience of living in suites, sharing the same hallway, etc.
- Making friends is easier in a dorm

ROOOOWWWWWRRRRRR. Effing Haverford. Die. I want to shoot stuff. Someone come lasertagging and paintballing with me. Or if you have no money, let's wrestle. I feel like being violent.

I’ve been really lacking in updates recently. Maybe I’ve outgrown my blog…?

Well, the DC + 2 sleepover was a week ago. For once, the guys outnumbered the girls. It was a fun filled night with butt slapping, Mario Cart, Easy-Mac, an attempted trip to Top of the World, trips to a couple supermarkets, a scary ride down Sophia’s street, an extreme never-ending game of Uno, and of course no sleep. I always love hanging out with DC + 2 (we missed you Anita, Laura, Rahul, Tina, and Courtney!), but I think if I saw them every day it wouldn’t be as fun. I was talking to Brian about this and we were saying how if all of DC went to one school we probably wouldn’t belong to the same group. It’s funny because everyone in DC + 2 is from RYLA, but none of us were really close to each other at RYLA. And most of my family from RYLA, I don’t keep in touch with anymore. And yet, with DC + 2 we do a pretty damn good job of keeping in touch and hanging out. I think it’s because we have something else besides RYLA that keeps us connected, and we stay so close because of our whole RYLA mentality. I’m looking forward to the beach reunion =D.

A couple days after the sleepover I went to Warped Tour with Michelle, Courtney, Lillian, Aurora, and Brian. I saw All-American Rejects (who were surprisingly good live), Starting Line, Fall Out Boy, Senses Fail, Thrice, My Chemical Romance, Gatsby’s American Dream, and Matchbook Romance. During Fall Out Boy my arm got badly bruised. Ouch. I really wanted to crowd surf because it looks so fun, but I got scared. But, next rock concert I go to, I WILL crowd surf…and I WON’T get hurt (hopefully). It seemed like there were more injuries at this warped tour. A few bands had to stop in the middle of their performances so that people could be carried out.

My sister came home on Saturday and she just left today (with two suitcases of my dorm stuff). I went with her and her bf to Jack London Square yesterday to watch fireworks (and I learned that a rum and coke drink doesn’t taste good. Egh). And of all the people who were at Jack London Square, I managed to run into Patrick. What a coincidence. So I got to watch fireworks with him, which was nice =D. Oh and random note, the pier reeked of weed. I could smell it like I was at Warped Tour.

And this entry has gone on for too long. []Deace out.

I guess I should blog briefly about graduation and Grad Nite. Both were very fun (yes, even graduation which was in the rain). It sucked that I was cold (and that by the time I got my diploma my hat was all gross and bendy), but in the end it was a really memorable experience. I mean, how many people can say it rained on their graduation? Plus, afterwards giving hugs and taking pictures in the rain was more fun. As Wendy said, we went for the “beachy look.” Hahahaha.

Grad Nite was way fun. I got scraped and beat up on the interactive inflatable bungee games (ßI didn’t do a good job of explaining that), got a henna tattoo, failed at getting hypnotized (but had fun watching everyone else go crazy under hypnosis), won sixty dollars, ate good food, did DDR with Megan (we danced to “little bitch”), and danced with our super cool fanny packs.

So, high school’s over and I’m a college-bound freshman. Watch out East Coast. For me, high school has been a really good experience, and I’m sad that it’s over. But at the same time I’m so ready to move on. At some point during second semester senior year, I realized that there was nothing left for me in high school. I wasn’t learning anything, and there was nothing new for me to experience. It’s time for a change of scenery, and for some new things to take place in my life…and that’s what college is for. I’m geared up and excited to go to Haverford, and yet right now I just feel like sticking around Fremont and hanging out with my friends. I’m in no rush to go to college. I’ll always have my memories from high school, and I’m going to make sure that this summer is unforgettable.

I’ve been talking to a lot of people about high school friends and keeping in touch with them and what not….and even though it’d be nice to be able to talk to everyone after high school, it’s not realistic. I know I’m going to lose touch with a heck of a lot of people, but I’m not sad about it because it’s enough that they stopped by in my life for just a few years…enough to fill it with some good times and good memories.

DC + 2 sleepover was fun. I’ll blog about that later.

I’m addicted to Mario Kart. If you have Mario Kart, then invite me to your house, and we’ll play =D