I was looking back at my old entries from last year, and I found a comment that I had never read before because it was made a week after I wrote the entry. Since I don’t get email notification of when people leave comments I just never saw this one.

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Friday, December 23, 2005

Curses. I'm such a bad friend. When did I stop caring? I never did...honestly. But I guess some things just get lost in the shuffle. I'm sorry this did.

And the comment...

sometimesi want to believe you, but then again, sometimes i think youre just too selfish.

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Ouch….that hurts, even a year later…

I think that comment speaks volumes. It’s true. I am incredibly selfish a lot of the time. And the unfortunate part is that I never think that I am. I always come to a realization of my selfishness a little too late. And it’s only recently that I’ve started to realize I AM a selfish person. I never thought I was before. But I examine my actions more closely now, and have to come understand I act in my own interests a lot of the times. I’m not as generous as I’d like to think. I try to appear caring and giving. But I’m not. When I realize that what I said or did was selfish, I try to make amends for it later. And it’s usually okay because the things are small. But a lot of the time, my selfishness isn’t really embodied in any action or event, but is more like a state of mind...and then I can't redeem myself later because it's too late.

Anyways, that's just a personal reflection of mine. On a completely unrelated note, I ate too many cookies last night...so much that I felt like throwing up afterwards. It was gross. I'm putting myself on a cookie fast in addition to my facebook fast. I obviously don't understand moderation. dammit.