I feel like needles are jabbing my throat. Being sick is the suck.

On the bright side, I'm going to watch TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES tonight =]. If you step back and look at the name, it makes you wonder where the idea came from. I mean, they're mutant turtles that are teenagers and ninjas. Completely random no?

I think yesterday was the first time I've ever had a plum. How did I go 19 years w/o eating a plum?

I need to start finding more substantial things to blog about.

Is this freaking gorgeous or what.



I dunno what's wrong with me. I have about zero motivation to do work. It's 12am, and I haven't started any of my homework. And I don't feel any pressing need to do so either. But I definitely have two classes tomorrow, classes that have homework/readings due. I really feel no sense of urgency right now. Uhm, problem much?

I swam 50 laps today. It felt pretty dang good. I guess I'll do okay in that lifeguarding class after all =].

I'm going to be be an old fart right now and talk about the weather because it was freaking gorgeous today. 75 degree skirt weather. I did a lot of sitting around and soaking in the sun. I dunno how you kids in Socal ever do your work.

FOCUS STEPHANIE FOCUS!

Oh before I focus, I should mention that I have like six apples sitting on my desk. I wish they were pineapples instead. hhahahaah how crazy would that be, if I had SIX FREAKING PINEAPPLES sitting on my desk. My room would smell so good.

What am I doing. This entry sucks.

Omg stab my eye with a spork I just paid $340 for a roundtrip plane ticket home in May.

I'm beat. I want to jump into bed right now, but I made the stupid decision of putting in my laundry twenty minutes ago. This is definitely not blog-worthy news. But I really have nothing else to say, and nothing else I feel like doing. So here I am. Blogging. To you. About my laundry. This is pee-in-your-pants exciting stuff.

Holy freaking shit I just checked the weather report and it's going to be 72 degrees on Tuesday.

Man I seriously have nothing to do. That's a lie. I have a lot of homework to do. And I'm reading a really good book right now called City of Falling Angels that I could read right now. I think that's the title. Actually to be honest I'm not sure if that's the title. But it's good. It's a nonfictional book written like fiction. It's basically an embellished travelogue. Read it. Nourish your mind. Don't be a spud.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG I'm so exhausted. I think I'm hallucinating.

Have you ever been to postsecret.com? I love this website.

Speaking of websites that I love. I used to be in love with Neopets. Don't give me a confused, wtf look. You know what that is. You know you used to play it. You know you use to STALK the shops to snag the good stuff the SECOND it came out. Yeah that's right NERD I know you used to play neopets. AND YOU LOVED IT. And if you were a pimping pro like me you would have at least three accounts and your neopoints would be in the millions. MUAHAHAHAHAHA I RULE. But I don't play anymore =[. YO I THINK I'M GOING TO CHECK MY ACCOUNT RIGHT NOW. SERENA IF YOU'VE BEEN STEALING MY NEOPOINTS I'M GOING TO KNOW AND I'M GOING TO GUT YOU. LIKE A FISH. j/k.

I should probably do my homework that's due tomorrow instead. I'm such a bad student. I'm going to feel guilty about this tomorrow. But I'm so tired. Now I'm just whining. If I could read this out loud to you I'd sound five years old. Like my dad. Omg I take that back that was mean. It's true though. Shit I need to quit while I'm ahead.

OK NEOPETS HOMEWORK LAUNDRY HOMEWORK LAUNDRY BRUSH TEETH BED.

Holy crap it's been awhile. I did an externship in Phillly during spring break which was pretty awesome. I lived in the city and visited different non-profit organizations each day with a different Haverford grad. I love love love love living in the city. I got a chance to explore all the different neighborhoods and really got a taste of Philly's culture. It's not a fantastic city...pretty freaking ghetto...but I'm starting to like it more and more. Maybe I'll live here after I graduate...? Who knows; I definitely want to be living in a big city though. I find myself thinking a lot about life after college. Where I'll be living, what I'll be doing. They can be fun thoughts to entertain.

The following two pictures were the highlight of my externship:





You might be thinking, "wtheck. It's just a wall with an eagle and a basketball court." Oh no my friend. It is much more than that. That wall and that basketball court are in the opening scene of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. When he's rapping about growing up in West Philly and playing basketball, that's the place. AND I WAS THERE. I was standing in a sacred, historical site and loving every minute of it. But yo, that place isn't even in West Philly. It's the south end of North Philly. Funny that.

Another highlight of my externship was going to this great "junk-art" place on South Street. This guy bought out an empty lot and basically turned it into a piece of art using random junk like tires, bottles, and broken glass.






He's also made his entire house into a piece of artwork like his workplace. Except his bedroom. Apparently his wife wouldn't let him.


He also does random pieces of glasswork on walls around the South street area.

He's pretty baller. Philly is awesome; everyone should come visit me. I'll show you a good time. That sounds dirty. Get your mind out of the gutter.

In other news, I've joined the leadership team for IV next year. Quite exciting.

ahahahahahah I need to tell a story. This is random but I thought of this right in the middle of talking about IV leadership. So I'll just follow my train of thought and digress. I started drinking coffee this week. I really don't know why. It didn't really affect me for the first three days, but on Thursday I think my body decided it couldn't handle it anymore. I was so riduclously shaky and jittery all morning. I couldn't sit still and my hands were literally shaking. I felt like my head was in the clouds and my thoughts were so scattered. Anyways, I think I'm going to quit while I'm ahead. Plus, if I made coffee a habit my teeth could potentially become disgustingly yellow. And then I'd have to kill myself. J/k.

So back to IV leadership. Joel approached me before spring break and said that I had been nominated to be a part of next year's leadership team. I was hesitant at first because even though I know I would grow so much, I also knew it'd be a huge time commitment. I've been doing Bible study this year but I don't always go to Friday night large group. And I don't attend all the weekend conferences and retreats. Then there's leader meetings and what not. So if I decided to do leadership I'd really have to dedicate myself. But why wouldn't I want to? The rewards would be more than worth it. But then I had the thought: how can I lead others when I need so much leading myself? I have so many questions and I myself need all the guidance I can get. But looking at it that way, when is a good time for me to lead others then? I'll never have all my questions answered. I hope I never become complacent enough to say "I'm good where I am. It's time to help others." I'm always praying for a heart that wants to seek God and for continual growth and change in my life. Maybe this is it.

Thursday night during Bible study we read James 3, and I totally felt that James 3:1 was directed right at me. It says, "Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." Is that screaming at me or what? When I compare myself to this year's leaders I feel that I fall sooooo short. And I realize that that doesn't matter because I'm not being judged before them and in the end we all fall short of God's glory. But I realized that I need to take a look at my life and ask myself how Christ's work in me is manifested in my actions and relationships with others. Does my lifestyle reflect what I believe and God's glory? Sometimes it does, but a lot of times it doesn't. And I shouldn't need an excuse besides God to want to make a change in my life but maybe this is the perfect excuse...maybe it's God's way of calling me to my senses.

One thing we talked about in small group was how we reach out to others. I think a lot of the things I do, I do because I want people to know that being a Christian is not synonymous with being an anti-social, obscure, alien. During church a couple weeks ago, Pastor Steve was talking about surrounding ourselves with Christian friends and distancing ourselves from "those walking in idleness." He preached about being a good influence from afar, and I don't completely agree with that. I do agree that if your close circle of friends are not believers, you do run the risk of being influenced into sin, but I also think that saying you can be a good influence from afar is much different than actually doing it. Because I don't think people will take you seriously if you can't relate to them. And I think that's why I do a lot of the things I do. I'm not saying that everything I do is for the sole purpose of "fitting in" (w/e that means) or relating to people. But I feel that it does give me an advantage in that people won't think I'm judging them or that I'm on a completely different planet. By doing the things I do I can say "hey I go through the same stuff. I know what you mean. I've been there. etc." During small group a lot of the other IV kids were saying that they want to break down the negative stereotypes attached with being a Christian. I guess the danger in that is you might be compromising your beliefs and that you end up getting sucked into the wrong lifestyle. I don't want to create the impression that I want to cover up my faith because that's not the case. It's about how I strike that balance between keeping my faith and what I believe yet still being able to relate to others on their terms in ways that they can understand. In the Screwtape Letters C.S. Lewis talks about how we are often afrraid to be perceived as extreme Christians. But really what's wrong with that? That only indicates the level of our faith and that's where we all strive to be. But oftentimes I do find that when I feel myself getting closer to God, I instinctively pull away because there's this hovering uncertainty of what I'm getting myself into. And even though I know only great things wait for me at the end, I know it's not an easy journey and sometimes I'd rather take the easier, more well-traveled path. I guess the catch is to know that I'm not in it alone.

I forgot why I brought that up. Something to do with how I need to change my life, especially if I'm going to be a leader next year. Something like that. I always end up about twenty miles south of the original point I was making. Sometimes 21.75 miles. And sometimes it's more like Southeast. Some of you might be thinking that I'm making too much of a big deal out of this. After all, it's just leadership right? I attend a couple more meetings, lead a few Bible studies, go to a few more conferences/retreats. No big right? Why all the fuss? Well I see being a leader as more than just committing more time to IV. It's a deeper spiritual commitment and that is definitely a big deal. It's a commitment that goes beyond what I fit into my daily planner. So yeah, it's a big deal and I'm taking it seriously. But I'm also eager and excited for the changes God will bring.

I got my hair cut today. Eh, I don't like it that much. Could be that I'm just not used to having short hair. It's been awhile. When it grows longer I'm going to get it restyled. I think it just looks really bland now. Ahhhh I miss my long hair. Sort of.

My sister bought me a watch today as a much belated birthday gift. It's pretty P-I-M-P-ing.

I was talking to Joel the other night about a difficult decision that I have to make. And being the freaking amazing friend that he is, Joel automatically said, "You mean God's decision right? Not yours." I was like oh snap Joel Kwabi you are the man. I realized that as much as I pray about being open and accepting to God's will, how much do my actions actually say that's what I want to be done? I mean it sincerely in my prayers but as I go about my day and as I talk to people about what's going on and as I'm confronted with situations, how do I act? How do I deal with them? How do I make myself open to His will? If I'm only praying for an open heart that doesn't cut it. I'm not devaluing prayer; I'm just saying that my actions have to reflect what I'm praying about.

This entry is getting long. This is what happens when I don't blog every day. I save it all up.

Sometimes I think I just need to take a chance. I don't take very many risks in my life. Maybe I should once in awhile. A lot of really great things come from taking chances. On the other hand, you also risk losing a lot. But I guess if you never put anything in and risk something you value then you'll never know how great the return value will be. Ah but the potential of losing everything you put in and more is enough to deter a person. Maybe I should just say what the hell and do something different for once in my life huh?

So it looks like I'm going to be home for exactly 4 weeks this summer. I'm going to New York for a week of IV chapter camp after school lets out. I'm looking forward to a time of bonding with next year's leadership team, other IV kids, and God. Should be good times. Then I fly out to Boston for Explo. FREAKING A SPEAKING OF FLYING TICKETS ARE SO EXPENSIVE. DOUBLE U TEE EFF. It's like $315 to fly multi-city round trip. Urgh.

I'm going to NY tomorrow with my Chinese class to look at art, listen to music, and eat good food. God I love that class. My Chinese friends are some of my most favorite people in this world. Aren't we cute?



I haven't done anything all week. I'm not going to do anything all weekend. I haven't had any work. School is basically begging me to not take it seriously. So I'm not. It's going to kick my butt in about three weeks though. Well I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. But for now I'm going to go out and party like it's 1999.

[]Deace out.

I'm living in West Philly this week.

Why?

Cuz that's how I roll.

I'm hardcore, yo.

This is my hood.

[]Deace.

How I spent my first 24 hours of spring break:

Watched 300. Lotsalota blood and gore.
Gave my apartment a thorough cleaning.
Did two loads of laundry.
Watched Pulp Fiction.
Wrote letters.
Watched Chocolat.
Packed for the week.
Read Thank You for Smoking.

And now here I am. What a whole lot of nothing I did today. And guess what? IT FELT GREAT. I FEEL GREAT. GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT. I WOKE UP AT 10AM THIS MORNING AND IT WAS GREAT. GREAT GREAT GREAT. WHAT A GREAT FEELING TO GET NINE HOURS OF SLEEP.

I gotta stop typing in caps. I do it so much that it kinda takes the significance out of it now. I'm quite satisfied with my day =]. Good job Stephanie.

Where is my sophomore year going?

I just got an email about declaring majors by April 20th. And then I got an email about room draw for next year. I thought I just did room draw for this year. Ack, I still don't know what my major will be. I'm pretty sure it's going to be English, but then sometimes I'll get random, enthusiastic spurts of "I'M GOING TO MAJOR IN EAST ASIAN STUDIES AND I'M GOING TO LOVE IT!!!" But then that dies out and I'm all gung ho about English. And then the cycle repeats itself.

It's going to be a long but extremely productive and satisfying night. I'm so excited for when my essay is going to be done. Super excited. I really can't express how happy I am right now just thinking about 6 hours from now when I'll be done with my essay. (Well hopefully it'll only be 6 hours). That anticipation is going to keep me going tonight. And after my Chinese midterm tomorrow morning I'll be done!

OK GO TEAM!

I've been thinking about China a lot lately. I want to go back there so badly. What I wouldn't give to see a squat pot right now. I want to buy greasy food off the street and I want to eat yak meat in a tent and I want street merchants to pester me to buy things. I want to smell that polluted air and see the overcast sky. Oh China, I miss you.







With all this nostalgia I've been having recently, I must be really dissatisfied with my life right now or something. But I can't think of anything wrong; I'm having a pretty dang good sophomore year. I do daydream a lot about not being at Haverford though. I love it here, but I'm so ready for a break from this school and this country. I feel like I need to live my life more; I feel too much like a college student right now...like all I'm doing is the "college thing." And honestly, it's getting kind of old. I want to get out and travel. Belgium needs to come right now.

Look, it's me in 2001 (freshman year). I didn't know I used to be so small.








I played Dr.Einstein from Arsenic and Old Lace in my first high school production. I look like a shrimp.

hahahahahahahahaha. I just found out that my Chinese exam this week is on Lessons 11-14 as opposed to just 13-14. I find this absolutely hilarious. I just have so much work to do this week that I can't even take it seriously. I'm thinking about the tests I have to study for and the essays I have to write, and I can't help but laugh. LAUGH OUT LOUD. WHY IS IS EVERYTHING HAPPENING THIS WEEK. LAUGH WITH ME. Biopsych test due by Tuesday morning, Chinese test on Friday, 4 pg paper due Thursday, and 5-7 pg essay due Friday. Now of course I'm going to get through the week. I'll be frazzled and a little stressed, and by the end of it i'll be tired but I know I'll come out fine. I'm not puporting a "OH WOE IS ME" emotional state, but it will be hard. I was genuinely scared about this before; I'm past that point now. I'm not quite sure what to think. Or do. Is it over yet?

FOR FREAKING REAL WHY ALL AT ONCE. I feel like something is going to get shafted and I'll fail one thing. That would be the suck.

Guess what. It's Saturday night and I'm in the science building studying biopsych with Jeff. Baller status.

Hang loose.